上個月去查經班參加一個 "夫妻溝通" 的講座, 我將筆記與大家分享。

你說好不好玩? 結婚已經超過二十年, 我仍然在努力研究夫妻應如何溝通。

以下五個方法可以改善夫妻之間的關係。

3. 服務的行動 : 幫哈尼提重的東西, 按摩, 倒杯水, 開車門 ...對夫妻關係都是有加分效果的。

4. 禮物 (Gift) : 重要的節日(結婚週年紀念日,生日 ...), 要記得送禮物。送什麼, 就看個人功力了, 總的來說, 以讓哈尼眉開眼笑為指南。

5. 身體的接觸 : 能做到以上四點, 第五項就水到渠成。夫妻之間的親密關係是不可或缺的。夫妻分開太久也有一點不太好。

講員是一個師母*, 她讓大家講出以上五項之中, 你最希望你的配偶給你那兩項? 你認為你的配偶最希望得到那兩項?

她還強調 : 每一個人都還是在被建造中(under construction)。所以結婚二十年, 還在學習夫妻應如何溝通, 沒有什麼不對。

最後, 和大家討論 : 聰明和智慧有什麼不同?

* 基督教稱呼牧師的太太為"師母"。

Last month, I went to a seminar regarding "The communication between couples". Below is the note I would like to share.

It's funny that I have already married for over 20 years. Yet, I still try my best to study on how to improve the communication between couples.

1. Positive Language : If a couple have conflict, please say something like "When you ..., I feel ..., do not say "You are so ...". For example : Try to say "When you are late, I feel that you do not respect me.", do not say "You are so selfish, you are late again". The first sentense express the fact and feeling, the second one include the judgement and make the conflict much worse. Proverbs 15:1 「A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.」

2. Quality time : A couple can date once a week, drink a cup of coffee or a afternoon tea, talk some relax topics to reduce the stress, improve the understanding between both, make the boring daily life some change, ...etc, a lot of benefit come from this easy event.

3. Action of Service : Help your honey carry the heavy stuff, massage, prepare a cup of water for him/her, open the door (car) for him/her...all these actions have the positive effect to the relation of a couple.

4. Gift : For some important days (anniversary, birth day...), please remember to buy a gift for him/her, the purpose is to make your honey smile.

5. Intimate Relationship : If you can do the above 4 things well, your honey and you will have excellent intimate relationship which is a necesssary for a couple. It is to be avoid that a couple separate too long due to work or other reasons.

The speaker is the wife of a paster, she let everyone point out that : Which two items you prefer your spouse to give to you? Also, which two items do you think your couple need most from you?

The speaker also emphasize that : From the God's view, every one is still under construction to become a better person. So, it's not a mistake that to learn the communication between couple even after you have get married for over twenty years.