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| 2013/07/12 15:08:48瀏覽117｜回應0｜推薦0 | |
| Today it just strikes me so true, and knowing that you just let all my asking and begging and dealing just fall into nothing and mean nothing, it just crushes my heart and makes me feel sick and short of breath. You know the things you said to me in the time before you came here, i just ask why did you do that? why did you think it was ok to just play with my heart? Did u not believe the things I told u, did u think i was playing a game, that i was still a little girl, that it wouldnt bother me, that i was incapable of feeling weak or scared or vulnerable or hurt? You are not stupid like you would lead people to think, you are smart and you always were, the dumb thing is an excuse to not have to deal with things you simply dont want to deal with. I was so confused from the time you snapped at me when u were on the train on ur way up here that i literally started crying at that moment and feel like i havent stopped since. All i did literally was ask that u tell me what was in ur head. had u of just done that everything could have been so much different now. i dont know y u didnt see me as a person u could confide in about ur feelings but instead someone u had to hide them from. when i found u i respected u completely as a human being and an individual. i never expected u to b my man. u started down that road by saying u wanted to be in my life again, and granted, i will admit i was both floored and smitten with the idea. but i look back and wonder why you thought that was what you wanted. i tend to think that you just genuinely were feeling trapped by you previous relationship and the pain it caused and wanted out, wanted out to hurt her and make a statement not only to her but to others around you that jeff could start over without any of them. and i think when you thought of it that way that i may have become a pawn. and possibly not even intentionally. i do think and it may be just to save my own face, but i do think that for at least a moment that you were genuinely intrigued and interested in us maybe being together for a moment in time again. it was at least that, unfortunately maybe never anything more. i think you are spinning your wheels jeff. i think that you talk big but you feel stuck. you have big plans but you dont follow through. it seems that maybe thats a pattern with you. im not criticizing you, im the same way in some aspects. im just trying to figure out what happened. i absolutely do think you were interested in someone else, if for nothing else but the fact that you wouldnt even admit to emailing a woman from my computer. and of course my phone friend, someone obviously knew something, and more than likely had access to that phone, because my number was not listed. |
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| ( 心情隨筆｜心靈 ) |
