同志人權鬥士瑪莉葛菲斯：Things Do Not Go Wrong. It's You Who Think Wrong.

Before you echo Amen in your home or place of worship, think and remember. A child is listening. – Mary Griffith
The God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness. – Barack Obama

今年四月，有一部真人實事改編的電影在台上映，片名叫作《為巴比祈禱》（Prayers for Bobby），故事敘述美國一位虔誠的基督徒瑪莉．葛菲斯（Mary Griffith）在兒子巴比「出櫃」（coming out）坦承自己是同性戀後，認為同性戀是上帝所不喜悅而無法接受，並用盡各種方式想要治好巴比的「病」，最後巴比選擇自殺，她才重新開始瞭解同志世界與同志觀點，並開始為同志平權運動發聲。

這個賺人熱淚的故事背景為1983年，在當時的時空背景下，同性戀深受眾人的誤解和排擠，也沒有太多組織或團體針對同志給予幫助和支持。可以想見，巴比出櫃時，有多麼大的心理壓力。從以下敘述即可得知：

Bobby was choking on his secret. He needed desperately to confide in someone. The diary was not enough. It helped, but he longed to unburden himself to another human someone who could help him sort out the powder keg of feelings imploding within. But who? He couldn’t tell his parents certainly not his mother…He turned to Ed, his brother.

Nothing in life had prepared Ed for such a burden. Homosexuality. It was like something from another planet. He had seen it on television. And he’d heard different religious people say it was a choice and a sinful one at that. He preoccupied himself with other things and tried to convince himself that this crisis would work itself out. He had a new girlfriend and it was baseball season. There were lots to distract him from such an unpleasant disclosure. Ed collaborated with nervous silence in keeping Bobby’s secret.

美國社會以基督教思想為主流價值，許多美國家庭根據自己對信仰的解讀，認定同性戀是一種病，需要被醫治。葛菲斯就是在這種主流價值中，抱著悔恨和憂慮，看待自己的同志兒子：

The Bible repeatedly warned that homosexuality is a mortal sin; clearly gay people were doomed to perdition. If Bobby did not repent and change, there would be no reunion in heaven. The promise of that reunion with her loved ones at the end of earthly existence was at the core of Mary’s faith, the deal she was willing to make with God. Without the prospect of rejoining her family in some celestial paradise, life would have little meaning.

She would often ask, “I’ve been praying for four years for Bobby. The change, the healing, Lord, when is it going to happen?” Then, with the knowledge that the deity does not reward impatience, Mary would add, “Not my will, but thine be done.” (不要照我的意思，乃是禰的旨意成全然。)

身陷在教會、家庭及同儕壓力下的巴比，最後選擇用死亡作為對母親的抗議，用結束生命作為最後的妥協。如此的誠心祈禱，生命卻得到如此收場，What have gone wrong?

萬念俱灰的葛菲斯是在看了巴比的日記之後，才知道，事情並沒有出錯，是她的想法出了錯。她說：

“My mind-set was completely tied up in the word of the gospel, and I couldn't hear anything differently.”

此後，葛菲斯投身於PFLAG（Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays，同志家長聯盟）並帶著全家投入同志運動，希望藉由巴比的犧牲幫助更多需要幫助的家庭。27年來，葛菲斯協助許多同志青少年走過難關，阻止了許多家庭悲劇，她為同志人權所作的努力，讓她成為當代最有名的人權鬥士之一。當記者訪問她，家有同志孩子時，該怎麼辦，她的回答簡單而明確：

“Just listen to your kids and try not to push your opinions on them.”

相關詞彙：

同性戀的正式說法是homosexual。細分之，男同性戀稱為gay，女的則稱為lesbian。至於queer、fairy、queen等等稱呼則帶有很重的輕蔑色彩。 

Gay一字在18世紀時原是用來稱呼妓女或素行不良的女性，一直到第二次世界大戰時圈內人士才開始用它來稱呼男同性戀者。到了1970年同性戀解放運動（gay liberation，模仿婦女解放運動women’s liberation）興起，gay才普遍被用來稱呼男同性戀，而且是圈內人士願意接受的稱呼。 

至於lesbian一字，出自希臘地名Lesbos島。古希臘時代同性戀盛行，不過都是男同性戀，只有Lesbos島以女同性戀著稱於古代世界，於是lesbian一詞逐漸成為女同性戀的稱呼。 

美國俚語中有skeleton in the closet一詞，字面上是“衣櫥裡的骷髏”，引申為不見光的秘密。自從同性戀解放運動興起後，運動者鼓吹人們勇敢地站出來，爭權利、爭平等，於是呼籲大家come out of the closet，後來更簡單的come out也可以代表這個意思。也就是中文的出櫃。

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