I start wondering if there is an emotional backlash between us. In this tango situation, I desire to talk for the both sides, your side and my side. Of course I wouldn’t be fair for the both sides, as I wouldn’t know about what’s going on in your head. I don’t even sure about it in mine, but perhaps it’s easier to assume that I am more certain about mine than yours. I observe your reactions according to what I have seen and based on that, I guess the degree of impact I have caused on you. From you to me it would be the other way round. I close my eyes, trying to use both my head and my heart to understand what kind of power that you have laid on me. But I cannot see clearly how I react. This is where the uncertainty is. Perhaps one day you would be kind enough to tell me.

You are always there for me. It could mean at least two things. One is that you show no preference. You are kind; therefore, you treat everyone equally. On the other hand, it could mean that I am so special that you are willing to tolerate me more than others. Why do you tolerate me so much? I need to find out. For now, I could only speculate that there is certain unusual current coming from your direction and pushing me into the mode of doubt, doubt of myself.

I notice the conflict in the nature of this current. You sometimes recoil back to the unknown. It is as if you have found a cave where you store your skepticism, which seems to me so mysterious but frail. I must be intimidating to you. I don’t mean to be; perhaps I mean to be the exact opposite.

This is a beginning.

**Painted by Jolly Kunjappu