Modern marriage

Looking for love

Singletons are getting some help finding a mate

Jun 9th 2012 | SHANGHAI | from the print edition

ALTHOUGH 40,000 people gathered on May 26th and 27th for Shanghai’s Matchmaking Expo, Yu Bin doesn’t expect to find a wife among them. Mr Yu, a 26-year-old policeman, describes himself as conservative and is looking for a woman with “traditional virtues”. His attendance at the expo, the city’s largest yet, is a long shot; he would prefer a marriage set up by colleagues or by his parents. It worked for them 30 years ago, he says.

On the other side of the vast expo park, Fancy Huang is arguing with her mother. At 25, Ms Huang (who chose her English name herself) is two years shy of the dreaded age at which she will be branded a shengnu, or “leftover woman”. Her cousins are all married, so her parents are applying pressure. Ms Huang’s mother is stewing. “Sometimes my daughter says she would rather buy a flat by herself and live alone,” she says. “It’s so bizarre.”

Mr Yu and Ms Huang are just two of the thousands of young people trying to navigate China’s modern marriage market. At the expo there is no shortage of assistance. On one stage, a glamorous woman in a fuchsia minidress is hosting a public matchmaking session. A bachelor comes onstage and sings a song to 12 female contestants who hold up paddles with either a smiley or a sad face. Elsewhere, mass speed-dating events are under way. Dating agencies vie for singles to sign up. Their websites are wildly popular in China. One such site, Jiayuan, is listed on America’s NASDAQ stockmarket.

In the past 30 years the Chinese search for a spouse has, like so much else, been transformed. Confucian thought emphasised a match’s significance for society rather than for the individuals involved. Though formal arranged marriages were banned in 1950, parents and colleagues continued well into the new century to help couples pair up (some still do).

The recent decline of such practices, especially in cities, in favour of choosing your own mate, has coincided with huge demographic shifts. China’s skewed birth ratio (118 boys to every 100 girls) means that there will be a surplus of about 24m bachelors by 2020. And women’s increasing socio-economic freedom makes them pickier when choosing a husband.

Mr Yu, the traditionalist, remains hopeful. “We just haven’t been in the right place at the right time,” he says of his putative partner. Other bachelors are less patient. Last month, the “Multi-Millionaire Seeking Spouses in Ten Cities Show” launched in the southern city of Guangzhou. Eleven Chinese millionaires are paying a luxury matchmaking agency 5m yuan ($790,000) for assistance. One of them, a billionaire, has particular requirements: suitable candidates should be aged 20-26, weigh less than 50kg (110lb) and have no sexual experience. So far more than 5,000 young women have applied.

from the print edition | China

Looking for love

Jun 11th 2012, 14:46

This is a very interestingly social phenomenon. When I surfed the “thunder news”(xunlei) website last week, I wasn’t surprised at their eagerness and anxiety of willingness to own a joy of sexuality and family. In China, which enjoys both boosting fortune and everywhere curious discovery, the interaction of male and female always appeal to the age of youth.

Yeah, especially while connected with material and spiritual civilization, the demand for the understanding of heterosexual cannot avoid the this kind of museum happening. You cannot say that they only scan each other just for a little time. Almost of marriage derives from some fortune of chance. This kind of museum is indeed needed in China, both wholly and respectively speaking. Well, in the aggressive competition of capital first nation, man and woman want to experience more different things in their life.

Traditionally, marriage in China was restricted by elder or higher rank. The animation “The Butterfly Lovers” (whose origin is “Liang Shan-bo and Zhu Ying-tai”) is a typical story to say a miserable fate of the conflict between love and society. By traditional logic, a successful marriage of female can “bring honour to us all”, like some sentences in “Mulan”. The same point of marriage in both the past and the present is “Wait and see” while a matchmaker and a claim of success - but the cause of claim is different from elder or the match themselves. In the second millennium, Zhou Wei’s song “Profound Love with Smoky Rain” flourished all over China and overseas. Yes, don’t forget your luck and try your true heart among the high-rise building up in the contemporary China.

In addition to Shanghai Matchmaking Expo, meanwhile, Xi-an Sexual Exhibition catch your eyes with latest play of sexuality. Chinese various kinds of life are evolving just like western nation after world war two. The colourful and attractive China is rapidly progressing with bigger fortune and stronger power. But is this museum meaningful or reaching their expectation? No one knows and no one defies the trend.

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筆者見報後一時興起，先提到一個有關的主題就是台灣的中影公司曾經製作的動畫電影，改編自古代經典文學「梁山泊與祝英台」和即將要再作電視劇改版的瓊瑤「煙雨濛濛」可以寫來玩，觸類旁通一些到當年的西安性愛博覽會。就這麼寫了。2003年出品的The Butterfly Lovers 蝴蝶夢的「梁山泊與祝英台」和2001年配合趙薇「情深深雨濛濛」(官方後來翻譯的是Romance in the Rain)的意境的「煙雨濛濛」都是描述男歡女愛的不朽之作，正配合這篇經濟學者文章的報導相關，而現代的現實的環境，要提起感情和婚姻是否能兼顧庸庸碌碌的無奈，則這兩部經典筆者想來只能當這場景的陪襯了。倒也是一提這中國一線城市的仲介，用「科學化」的方式來配合男女之間「條件」和說「要或不要的意願」，這從來都沒有「打準的合」。再之，中國的社會現代化剛超過一代，還沒有到完全脫離傳統禮教的束縛，男尊女卑的陋習仍然充斥著當時的社會。當時的大部份例子，醜媳婦總是要見公婆，所以若用這個方式湊合著，有些例子還是歸類為很悲傷的結局。重疊化的社會和經濟水平仍然在這種儀式有還很大的影響力。當時筆者寫這篇時，順便也提了西安的性博覽會，這也是一個多元社會的信號，中國有了新的供應市場及新的想法進來。而有一點離題的「花木蘭」的男女關係或許以另一形式在中國正在挑戰權威式的家庭倫理與儒教社會觀吧～

蕭亞軒 你是我心中一句驚嘆 電影「蝴蝶夢：梁山伯與祝英台」插曲 作詞：姚謙 作曲：林俊傑 編曲：劉志遠

愛　原來是這麼個模樣　近在眼前卻不一定能夠一眼看穿

過往四處探訪卻總是徒勞而返　只一秒你就輕易的攻入我心上

＊該怎麼形容我此刻的感想　如果你瞭解我過往的渴望

當過盡了千帆你還在身旁　彷彿是一道曙光 Woah

你怎麼知道我還等待情感　當所有人以為我喜歡孤單

是你敲我的門再把我點亮　你是我心中一句驚嘆

我　原來比希望更希望　在生命中有個同伴把心事都交換

際遇一面海洋　孤單總隨著我飄盪　是不是你就是我的唯一的希望

情深深雨濛濛 作詞：瓊瑤 作曲：徐嘉良 演唱：趙薇

情深深　雨濛濛　多少樓台煙雨中 記得當初　妳儂我儂　車如流水馬如龍 儘管狂風平地起　美人如玉劍如虹

情深深　雨濛濛　世界只在你眼中 相逢不晚　為何匆匆　山山水水幾萬重 一曲高歌千行淚　情在迴腸盪氣中

情深深　雨濛濛　天也無盡地無窮 高樓望斷　情有獨鍾　盼過春夏和秋冬 盼來盼去盼不盡　天涯何處是歸鴻