Prince Charles shaking hands with Malcolm Turnbull at Government House, Canberra. 查理王子與澳洲總理特恩伯握手。

請注意，千萬別觸摸英國王室成員的身體，尤其是後背靠近臀部的地方。

最近英國查理王子訪問澳洲時，澳洲慈善基金會主席柯克女士違反外交禮節，竟然手推王子的腰部。對普通澳洲人來說，輕碰一下沒有什麼了不起。但是澳洲君主制度聯盟主席本威爾先生認為，柯克女士的舉動太超過了。他說，「你不可以主動對王室做身體接觸，除非他們先跟你伸出手來。」

我們的新總理特恩伯先生握住查理王子伸出來的手，他們的握手是合乎禮節的。

記得第一個澳洲與王室碰觸的醜聞嗎？那是基廷總理邊走便把手拍著女王的背部，結果立刻被英國報紙報導為下流的舉動。那時我剛好在英國，英國報紙頭條稱基廷總理為「澳洲蜥蜴」。我特別買了份報紙，貼在辦公室的牆上，讓一些比較敏感的人讀了頗為激動。

我是一個中產階級的白人，對種族歧視沒有親身的體會，只能想像什麼是最壞的歧視形式。

當時在英國，我的辦公室總是傳說澳洲人的祖先是罪犯的笑話。有一次大家聊天有點過火，有一個英國同事提高聲音替我辯護，「澳洲人祖先犯的罪都是偷麵包之類的小事，微不足道。」

我說，「我的祖先不一樣，他是重大殺人犯。」這當然是假話，但是從那以後，沒有人再開我祖先是罪犯的玩笑了。

所以你可以理解，像基廷總理與柯克女士這樣碰觸女王或王子的身體，可算是大罪了。不過澳洲人不是世界上唯一觸犯外交禮節的人。

2009 年美國總統歐巴馬的夫人米歇爾就對女王「熊抱」。2007年美國總統布希在女王訪美的歡迎儀式致辭時，說溜了嘴，「女王上一次訪問是 1776年。」他發現自己說錯話後，直對女王眨眼睛。太糟糕了，你怎麼可以對女王眨眼睛！

1976年福特總統任內，女王訪美時，樂隊奏的樂曲是「The Lady is a Tramp.」（這位女士是個流浪漢。）我的天，這是什麼跟什麼？

所以我說，柯克女士回家儘管睡個好覺，她沒有違反什麼禮節的。哈哈！

珍珠譯自澳洲太陽報專欄作家發表文章

Testing the heir not a touchy subject

Baz Blakeney

HERE’S a word of advice. Don’t touch a member of the royal family, especially not on, or near, the posterior.

Charities Australia chief Janine Kirk broke with protocol and placed her hand on Prince Charles’s lower back during his recent visit to Oz.

To most Australians, that brief brush means nothing whatsoever. But the head of the Australian Monarchists League says Ms Kirk was way out of line.

(Gee, the monarchist cocktail parties would be a hoot wouldn’t they? Could you pass the vol-au-vents, please Cynthia? Anyone for a dry sherry? Could someone place another Glenn Miller record on the gramophone? I feel a foxtrot coming on).

“You don’t manhandle the royals,” said the league’s head man, Philip Benwell, after Ms Kirk’s faux pas. “You should only ever touch a royal if they put their hand out first.”

Our Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, was in no such quandary. Prince Charles stuck out a hand and Mal shook it. Our next king shook hands with the nation’s leading republican. Gold.

I was working in England when the first Australian “royal touch” scandal broke. Our then prime minister, Paul Keating, patted the Queen’s back as he guided her through a crowd and he was instantly pronounced a pariah.

“The Lizard of Oz” screamed one of England’s front-page headlines. So I bought the papers and proudly stuck it on the walls of my office. It stirred a few of the more sensitive souls.

As a white, middle-class urban male, I have rarely experienced racial prejudice and can only imagine what it is like in its worst form.

But there was a touch of lighthearted banter at my office in England — references to our convict heritage and so forth.

Once when the conversation got a bit edgy, one of my colleagues piped up in my defence and pointed out that many convicts were transported for crimes as petty as stealing a loaf of bread.

It was a lie, of course, but any talk of my convict past ceased forthwith, once and for all.

By any measure, touching someone’s back to guide them through a mob of quivering, fawning royalists can hardly be considered one of the great sins.

And Paul and Janine’s light taps are not the only royal slip-ups by world leaders.

US First Lady Michelle Obama got very huggy with the Queen in 2009 and, in a speech in 2007, former president George W Bush mentioned in passing that the Queen had last visited the US in 1776. When he realised he had put his foot squarely in it, he gave the old girl a wink, which only made matters worse. So much worse. You don’t wink at Her Maj.

During Gerald Ford’s presidency in 1976, the band struck up The Lady is a Tramp as the Queen hit the floor. Oh, dear.

So I think Ms Kirk can sleep soundly. She has not violated anybody.

And if the monarchists want to get all pernickety about it, maybe they should just pour themselves a Pimms, cut the crusts off a cucumber and watercress sandwich, lie back on the chaise longue and think of England.

BAZ BLAKENEY IS A HERALD SUN COLUMNIST