I broke into a sweat when I missed the opportunity to purchased them online.
I broke into yet another sweat when I found them on eBay.

《Everybody eBay! - 1》

2005年三月初，誤打誤撞點了eBay網站，從此展開了我在網路購物載浮載沈的日子。

更早一年之前，因猶豫不決而與一款心愛「貼身衣物」失之交臂，盯了官網兩個月考慮該買什麼顏色，竟…換季了！

我對這家位在西班牙的公司，發出懇求指引方向的苦情電郵，得到的是「季」往不「舊」的禮貌回覆。雖說官方網站一換季即是永別，該公司倒是體貼地列出了幾個經銷點請我試試運氣：東京、台北、紐約。

嘿嘿…看樣子紐約還最近呢。

那款夢幻逸品一年多來始終在我腦中盤旋；這天來到號稱「找什麼、統統有」的eBay，再度觸痛我的傷口，沒好氣地輸入搜尋字串，心想：我就不信你……

啊！真真真真（口吃）真的有耶！



《Everybody eBay! - 2》

“Nice price, in pristine” The seller's remark caught my eyes.
The best part is: they are my size.

CYJD?!

原本只是不經意地點閱、賭氣般地向eBay挑戰，如今朝思暮想的貨品照片映入眼簾，真的只有一個字可形容 – 美夢成真。（沒錯，這算一個字）

當下激動且虔誠地在電腦螢幕上貼了個吻，咬牙切齒地發誓：這玩意兒我要定了！

誠如豐Ｘ丸廣告，想要美夢成真、必當天天按時服用。

身為網拍菜鳥，我得先開個帳號，隨即展開了每天三查六點、追踪分析的日子。



《Everybody eBay! – 3》

A magnificent vision struck me not long after I started the observation, which is: chances are good that the price will go higher than I can afford if I step in too early.

Gees, I must be really talented or what.

Therefore, I waited, and waited, and waited……

當時正有兩人對此物交相競標，民婦靈機一動：就讓他們物自相殘殺一陣，我且待最後關頭再介入，或許可免價格一路攀升。

如此冰雪聰明，連我自己都吃了一驚。

果真一人敗退後，價格四天未再加碼；噗次～～我都懷疑領先的人也不想買了呢。

終於在結標當天，設了定時器，準時坐到電腦前，好整以暇地在結標五分前開始出標…

咦？怎麼加了兩次碼，標主還是對方？

我玩法錯誤嗎？



《Everybody eBay! – 4》

The bidding was silent but violent.

It was intense, so intense that I had stars in my eyes.
I nearly fell off desk (or chair, whatever) when I was outbid in the last minute.

That guy! That potential buyer IS NOW on the other side of the computer, BIDDING WITH ME!!

There were less than 50 seconds left.

第三次加碼才領悟到：領先的標主可以就自己能力可及範圍，預留一截競標的緩衝空間，eBay會視「實際需要」釋出適當的額度，以擊敗小鼻子小眼睜、每次加碼只加一丁點兒的對手。

【範例】：

好比目前某人（Ａ君）以98元領先群標，但實際Ａ君設下110元為他的「止損點」，所以舉凡出100、105、或108，都打不垮他；體貼入微的eBay會自動為他調價，以維持領先的地位，直到超出授權額。
相對如果無人競標，Ａ君也不必以高於98元的價格冤枉認購。

哼，唷～厚～～還真人性化喲！



《Everybody eBay! – 5》

5、4、3、2…
★Congratulations! You're winner of this item. ★

Seriously ?
Seriously seriously?

I was thrilled to death and felt like a million dollars.
No amount of words can describe my feeling at that moment.
The adrenaline shot lasted so long that in the middle of it, I was thinking back when it began.
If the first tongue kiss was rated 8 on the happiness scale, this could be a 8.5.

The past 5 minutes made me all disheveled.
I would have stayed in this trance much longer if it weren't for the voice came from my cheering crowd:

“But mom, what did you buy?”

拜ADSL之助，得以搶先一步猛砸50美元授權額，和對方拼了！

眼看倒數計時歸零，身後響起小犬的歡呼，可我這會兒才回過神兒：天啊，都這把年紀了，我上哪去會穿得著這雙陰陽臉、粉紅／紫色圓點兒的娃娃鞋啊！


【註】穿此鞋不穿襪，鞋與腳ㄚ子直接貼近，因此算「貼身衣物」。



《Everybody eBay! – 6》

I ended up indulging myself in eBay for more than a month. That's not something I was proud of, but there was no way to stop me and I blamed it to that unforgettable ecstasy.

I learned the whole nightshade of eBay lingo during that time. Also I had one isolate unpleasant encounter with a freaky seller, who really, really ticked me off.

He gave me the impression that control makes him happier…oh, never mind, I am so over him.

第一次痛快的經驗後，我與eBay形影不離，成天卯起來標、拼了命地買；如今回想起來實在近乎病態。

有那麼一段日子，行走坐臥幾乎一切以eBay為中心。

NR 是 No Reserve，不設最低底標、結標就賣
NWT 表示New With Tag，不但全新，而且標牌猶在
電腦畫面中一個又一個Buy Now（定價出售、無需競標）的圖幟，就好比電視購物廣告一句又一句的「可惱、可惱」（Call Now、Call Now），聲聲對我呼喚。

我鬥志十足地出標、攔標，火速滙款、無往不利、屢戰皆捷；倒是遇上了一個怪怪賣家，硬生生砍了我即將獲勝的智慧型出價。原因是：我沒遵守他自訂「新客戶下標前要先e-mail請求允許」的規定。

？？！！

連我超低姿態的詢問信都被斥為：please do not harass me

哇哩咧…真有那種以挑戰、控制他人為樂的角色，我才不想滿足他的快感柳，你祖媽我不買了！




《Queen – Don't Stop Me Now》

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!
I'm floating around in ecstasy
So don't stop me now don't stop me
'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go go go
There's no stopping me

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)
I don't want to stop at all

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars
On a collision course
I am a satellite I'm out of control
I am a sex machine ready to reload
Like an atom bomb about to
Oh oh oh oh oh explode

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman out of you

Don't stop me don't stop me don't stop me
Hey hey hey!
Don't stop me don't stop me
Ooh ooh ooh (I like it)
Don't stop me have a good time good time
Don't stop me don't stop me
Ooh ooh Alright
I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time
Just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)
I don't wanna stop at all

La la la la laaaa
La la la la
La la laa laa laa laaa
La la laa la la la la la laaa hey!!....