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| 2010/01/07 22:27:04瀏覽1106｜回應0｜推薦4 | |
| When I discovered the real world I also lost you and your company. That was a fantasy, not a dream, because a dream can be fulfill but fantasy not. I wish time can erase the pain and sores as usual as it done to me, I realized I surely lost something which can't bring it back and I have the chance to hold it tight. This winter was more harsh then I imaged. I experienced many different feeling as a human being that i never faced. How oppressive. How somber. If I kick aside anything about you, I still have things need to deal. Few weeks ago, I was trying to commit suicide but my reason saved me, my natural instinct saved me. Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud's theory conjured up, maybe the human race really have a power to pursue death and life, both. I also told my doctor about this thing happened, my doctor suggested me to take some medicine, I agreed. But he also asked me, if continuing live is my destiny, why not live better? I said, that's impassable, if I can do it, i won't sit here in front of you. I knew he's not criticized his patient, so I can respond with humor. On the contrary, he said what he thought which is sincere. He became my doctor over five years, for me, he's like a teacher.He seems get used to my pattern, and I think he need to get used to every patten of his patients. Because of ashamed, I didn't tell my doctor anything about you. I confessed our conversation still bring to my mind on occasion. First, I felt stupid why I missed you and imaged any further of us. Now , I wish you a lot of happiness, whatever you are, whatever you become. |
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| ( 心情隨筆｜雜記 ) |
