It is a full Moon tonight!  The full Moon, was hanging high up against the dark indigo sky with a touch of thinning  red , purple  and orange on the far horizon, right in front of me, when I walked out of the office into this chilly night.  A sense of tranquility went through me and took away the tensions which were building up in me whole day long, today.  It was not even 6 o’clock yet, and night had fall already.  How time flies! The winter is here again.

It was an indescribable feeling while driving with the illuminating full Moon, which was right in front of me.  It seemed that I am driving toward something beautiful, and wonderful with a sense of contentment and calmness.  It was peaceful, yet not so; it was serene, yet not quite so, because the element of excitement, the air of anticipation, was there also.

So many poets and writers tried to capture the beauty of Moon, the impression of looking at the Moon, but I couldn’t think of one single phrase for tonight.  I had no ability to express my own thoughts on paper.  How I wish I had the talent! 

I remembered one time, someone I met at a concert asking “Do you sing?”, and I answered “No, I am tone deaf.” 

I always remembered her answer: “Oh! You are the one who sings with her ears!”

So tonight – I am the one taking in the beauty of the Moon with my eyes!

It was like drawing – I wished I could draw, I wanted to paint and keep the moments of so many scenes, so many memories in my life, but I couldn’t.  After learning a few drawing techniques from the class, I realized that I would never be able to portray the moments in my brain on to the paper!  So, I am the one who draws with her eyes only!

Suddenly, I felt lighter and wondering why I beat myself up so much on so many fronts.  There is no road map for me anymore.  The one who would do anything toward raising a good human being is gone now.  Why can’t I just ride the wave and see where will it land, instead of trying so hard searching for a map to follow?  I should be the one who follows the flowing tide and enjoys the ride, not the one trying to direct the destination.

Looking at the Moon, I remembered another chilly winter night in front of my friend’s front door steps.  I just left the little party and a man I just met came out with me.  There was this giant yellow Moon on top of the roof of the house across the street.  The Moon caught me by surprise, I stood there and looked at it and said “Look, It is so beautiful.”

He took a look of the Moon and asked “Where do you live?”

I did not take my eyes off the Moon and answered “Far far away.” 

That was the last time I ever saw him.

Some people saw “The Moon”, some people saw “a moon”, some did not see it at all.

Isn’t this the same as:  Some people saw “ME”, some people saw me, and some did not see me at all!

While I was standing by the Whole Food Market door, putting on my hat and gloves before I embraced the chilly night air walking toward my car, the bright full Moon caught me again.  A man walked into the market, saw I was looking at the Moon, he paused and gave me a beautiful smile, and I smiled back.  In that one second, I knew he had seen “ME”, and appreciated it.

This moment and that moment of “saw” but not being seen or not being seen would always be a part of numerous encounters in our life journey – it is life!

Good night to all the people who saw “ME”!  You are always in my heart.

Dec. 2011