美國脫口秀主持人愛拿時人時事開玩笑,有些玩笑如果你沒看新聞,不注意時事,常會聽不懂他們在說什麼,或是在諷刺啥. 下面是這兩天的精采內容摘要. 我簡單翻譯或解說如後.

"Well, ladies and gentlemen, today is an historic day down in Washington because five living presidents had lunch together. George Herbert Walker Bush, George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama all at the White House, all having lunch. What a day.

 And while this was going on, John McCain was at Applebee's blowing on his soup. I understand the lunch went well. Only three shoes thrown. George Bush picked up the check. Bill Clinton picked up the waitress." --David Letterman

美國五位新舊任總統 2009年1月7日齊聚白宮橢圓形辦公廳,脫口秀主持人愛拿布希被人丟鞋子的事開玩笑,也開柯林頓本性好色的玩笑,.

"As you know, Governor Blagojevich is in trouble for allegedly trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. And in an interview today, Blagojevich said ... 'If what I've done is impeachable, then I'm on the wrong planet.' That's what he said. Yeah, yeah. That would explain the Klingon helmet hair." --Jay Leno

伊利諾州長賣官,已於台北時間10日凌晨被伊州眾議院通過彈劾,待參院也通過就定案. 這位州長之前受訪時仍嘴硬說,如果我所作所為該當彈劾,那我就是走錯了星球.結果傑.雷諾拿star trek 影集中的克林貢人來嘲諷他.暗指他真是走錯星球了.

"The Washington Post reports today that Barack Obama wants to select Sanjay Gupta to be surgeon general. Yeah, Obama said the CNN doctor must be pretty good, because he's kept Larry King alive all these years." --Conan O'Brien

CNN有一位具神經外科醫師身分的醫藥記者古普塔（Sanjay Gupta），被歐巴馬命任為公共衛生局長。歐巴馬說,這位CNN的醫生一定很棒,因為他讓賴瑞金活了那麼多年.

"The Secret Service has unveiled a new state-of-the-art limousine for Barack Obama. A million dollars for this state-art-limousine. Meanwhile, today, John McCain closed a deal on a used LeSabre. But the limousine is massive. It's a three ton, it's a tank-like vehicle, or, as GM calls it, it's a compact." --David Letterman

歐巴馬就任後的座車公布了,價值百萬美元,上有最新科技,這車很結棍,重三噸,外型像坦克,但通用汽車卻說它是小車. 雷特曼講到歐巴馬的新車時,免不了要糗糗馬侃,說他買了台二手紳寶車.

"Congress was sworn in this morning, and USA Today says that the average age of the members makes it the oldest Congress ever. Yeah, which explains why today, they passed three bills and four gallstones." --Conan O'Brien

美國國會開議日議員宣誓就任,[今日美國報]說,本屆國會議員平均年齡是歷來最老的 . 難怪今天議員諸公通過了三條法案和四粒膽結石..

"Bill and Hillary Clinton helped drop the ball in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. But it was frigid. It was bitter cold, it was icy. And that’s just their marriage, ladies and gentlemen." --David Letterman

柯林頓夫婦除夕晚上在時代廣場主持降球倒數活動,當時冷風刺骨,天寒地凍,正是他兩婚姻的寫照.

"As you know, Israel is at war with Hamas. Israel says the reason they attacked Gaza was, they were sick of being hit by Palestinian missiles. You know who is really tired of it? The manager of the Target store in Jerusalem. He's fed up." --Jay Leno

以色列正在跟哈瑪斯打仗,以色列說,他們之所以要攻打加薩,是因為己經受夠了一再遭巴勒斯坦飛彈攻擊. 你知道誰才真是受夠了? 耶路撒冷 Target百貨店的經理,他已經受不了了.(Target 有標靶之意)