四月十六日是女兒心心的生日，今天寫的，用來感謝她帶入我生命裡，心動的閃光。在女兒年幼成長的過程裡，我最喜愛的是她一歲多至兩歲多的時光。那時，雖然身心上，仍有不可分托的依賴，心心的感官、觸覺、肢體掌控漸漸成形 。我們的世界，也開始延伸出我們環身的牆，她的一行一動，是畫染我生活的粉彩。

1990秋天，我們搬入第一個家。當時的興奮是不可言喻的。我想，對於一個在異鄉的“外國人”，這家的意義，不是單純的，有一個固定的居所，可以過日子及撫養子女；而是一個歸屬感，一個著根的機會。搬進這坐落於Gahanna市的家時，心心一歲半， 在這家未來的七年，我們會一起經過,不同的重要人生階段：她入托兒所、幼稚園、小學，我工作、攻讀博士。每一個過程，有它的挑戰和堅辛，不斷的取捨和掙扎。這期間做的選擇，至今我無法判斷對錯，也無能想像不同路徑。但清清楚楚的明白是，我即使分身去追求我的夢想，沒能當一個全職媽媽和她時時相伴，疼愛的心一分沒少過。至於我的其它的一生得失，只有天地明白！

開始送女兒上托兒所，最難的是她淚如雨下, 不能脫手，老師抱過她讓我速速離開後，我多半要在車裡哭上一回，才好行車離去（後來，清晨的接送，多成了爸爸的工作）。但是，一日最珍惜的，也多半是接上她回家的時刻：她那燦爛的笑容、閃亮的眼光，只因今晨“撇”下她的人，出現在眼前。回家的路上，我們總是跟著車上的童謠卡帶，一路唱回家，年紀小小的美麗童音，從清亮到輕訡到韻律的睡息。一日的起起落落，在重新得到的安全感中落定。心心那時期最愛唱的歌是：“蝌蚪”，歌詞如下-“一個蝌蚪一個頭,兩個眼睛黑油油,一條尾巴在後頭,搖搖擺擺水裡遊”我每每翻閱到她1-2歲時的相片時，腦海裡便哼起這首歌。上禮拜問她，她竟然還記得！

帶領一個生命的成長，是一個讓我心悸一生的責任，但也是一個終身謙卑的機緣。孩子不是一團黏土，是一個有潛在的生命個體。我們當父母的經驗，也多是有限，所以沒有絕對，只能盡最大的心力揣摩,幫助他們找到自己的路，在彼此的成長中學習。在翻閱心心相簿時，我無法想像，當時使命不肯放手的小女孩，會後來大步奔跑、騎腳踏車、滑水、滑雪、滑板、衝浪、潛水、跳傘， 而今要以一個背包客，單行南美！害羞不安的小女孩，如今是一個理想滿滿的女人，懂得在成功中謙虛，在失敗中堅持，在柔美的外表裡，守住鋼鐵班的意志。她要放眼世界，當一個醫者、一個推動醫學的科學家。而我，還是那個媽媽，簡單的只等著愛她。

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Happy birthday, my beautiful girl!!  This is dedicated to celebrate the sparkles that you have brought to my life.

The period during you were one and a half to just a little bit over two years old was particularly special to me.  Though the constant presence of our each other was an essence for comfort, it was also when our worlds grew and extended beyond the walls around us, and you would not only broaden your senses of taste, touch, perception, and emotion but also begin mastering all sort of ways to move about with your colorful presence.  

The fall of 1990, we moved into our first home in Gahanna, Ohio.  The house was in a quiet middle-class neighborhood, sitting off Cherry Bottom Road along Walnut Creek, and the colors of four seasons were always generously abundant.  In a very significant way, our first home was more than just a stable place to eat and sleep and to raise you; it was a place I began feeling a sense of belonging as a foreigner. In this house and over the next 7 years, we began putting down roots in this New World while moving through many different phases of our lives: you started childcare, pre-school, kindergarten, elementary school, and I began working and then pursuing my PhD.  None of the transition was easy; however, nothing topped the agonies of daily goodbye to you even though I was constantly told that “she will be fine”.  Still this day, I have no idea of whether those were best decisions then nor I am able to imagine how our lives might be different today, had I stayed home with you.  One thing for sure: I had never loved you less while I was away from you following a small dream of my own.

My favorite time then was picking you up at daycare at the end of day when, upon the sighting of me, you would drop everything and dashed into my arms.  Your face brightened and your eyes twinkled; how could one loved so unconditionally?! The ride home together was always sweet and relaxing; you were too young to share your day so we would always sing along on and on until you fell silent, sleeping, exhausted from a day of busy activities and sunken in the comfort in each other's presence. Even only at the age of two, you were a wonderful singer and your favorite song was “The Tadpole”.  Till this day, the song plays in my head whenever I see your pictures around two years of age: “A tadpole has one head, two dark black eyes, one long tail, wiggly and wobbly swimming in water”

I was luck out for a child with “terrible two”. On the contrary, you were the little angel who brought me a plate of fruit wearing the sweetest smile and then left my study quietly on the nights before my big exams.  As I look through your pictures in the photo album, I am constantly amazed what an independent soul you have become, from a little girl who was so timid and afraid of letting go of my hands to one who would then run, jump, bike, hike, skate, ski, surf, and then fearlessly dive from the sky.  You have such a strong spirit that continues testing the boundaries and pushing the limits. You taste success with humbling grace and endure defeat with silent resilience. You have the beauty of flowers and toughness of steel.  I am fascinated by you and so proud of what you have become.  You will be an amazing healer for your future patients and a medical scientist that propels the practice of medicine.  As for me, I will be simply here, waiting to love you and grateful for your life in mine!!