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| 2012/01/29 11:05:32瀏覽656｜回應5｜推薦39 | |
[金大俠譯] 我的父親，保羅‧霍華德博士，是位喜愛藉由圍棋與他人溝通交往的精神分析學家。他是一位非常安靜的人，圍棋成為他和我之間一個特殊的聯繫方式。上世紀40年代，藉著西洋棋大師愛德華‧拉斯克(Edward Lasker)在1934年出版的書：「圍棋與五子棋：東方的棋類遊戲」，我的父親發現了圍棋。但，他從來沒有下過一盤圍棋，直到60年代我的姐姐朱迪嫁給一位圍棋愛好者，我姐夫花了很多愉快的時光與家父玩棋。大約6年後，我與另一位圍棋迷哈斯克爾‧斯摩爾(Haskell Small)結婚，家父很高興，幾年後當我也學了圍棋，家父更是滿心歡喜。對於我們來說，這標誌著多年來家人藉由圍棋來溝通手談的開始。我清楚地記得父親與我的第一場盤上對弈，那時倆人對圍棋懵懵無知，但我們在盤面上極有趣地以對角線分為兩部分：“他的地盤”、“她的地盤”！ 直到90年代互聯網出現之前，我們之間的棋戲只限於每年的多次互訪，因為我的父母住在波士頓，而哈斯克爾與我住在華盛頓。多年來，家父與我在網上對弈圍棋，找到歡樂的方式並彌補父女分居兩地之疏。 在2006年的秋天，家父慶祝百歲生日。不久之後，他遭受了些輕微中風，圍棋技能因而下降，但他的熱情棋癡依然強勁。我們將他從波士頓搬到華府的老人居住中心，以便就近照料並儘可能伴他共渡餘年，那時，我們幾乎每天下棋！在他的巔峰狀態，他已達10級（我那時是13級），到了華府，他或許降至40級（我仍是13級），在9×9的棋盤上，我授他3、4子。偶爾，他會因為棋力減弱而感到沮喪，但我提醒他，他仍能下棋並享受令人興奮的弈棋過程呢，他因此感到舒暢適懷。在大多數情況下，即使棋力下降，下棋持續帶給他愉悅，因為他仍然熱愛圍棋，而我們的棋戲對雙方都是有意義的交流。 正如他會拒絕，我們還是將他搬到一個看護中心。一月的一天清晨，我們接到一進電話，他只剩幾個小時了，我們急忙趕去。當我們到達時，他平躺在床上，僅床頭略微提高。他脈搏微弱、眼睛微開、勉強能說話，當他看到我們時，他睜開了眼睛，微笑了，勉強的給哈斯克爾一個令人驚訝的堅實握手。他發聲極微弱、極微：「黑子...白子...」他太虛弱、坐不起來，我們拿出棋盤，把它放在他的肚子上。從他的角度，他是無法清楚地看到盤面的，但知道他仍渴望下棋，我引導他的手到棋盒，他拾起一子，我然後引導他的手到棋盤。雖然他無法看到棋子落盤何處，他却全心全意努力落子，然後我下了一子，也是專心一意、滿心興奮……這並不是一盤邏輯思維下的棋局，這是一盤象徵性的人生告別。我們以此熟悉、慰藉的動作持續來回約莫十或十五分鐘，直到他以手示意，比賽結束，哈斯克爾和我嘆道：「好棋！」我們放好棋子和棋盒，並觀察到他一臉滿意知足。然後我提醒他，他〝很快就可以見到卡蘿〞（我的母親、他的妻子），他即驚且喜悶響答說：「是嚒？」 在下完雙方都滿意的最後一盤棋後，隨後半小時內的某個時刻，在哈斯克爾和我愛憐體恤下，他悄然離世，滿心期待地走向他的妻子。我永遠不會忘記他走時的表情，安寧又滿足。 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Dr. Paul M. Howard and Go Elizabeth H. Small My father, Dr. Paul M. Howard, was a psychoanalyst who loved to connect with others through the game of Go.He was a very quiet man, and Go became a special way for he and I to bond. He discovered Go in the 1940s in a book by the Chess Master Edward Lasker, Go and Go-Moku: the Oriental Board Games, originally published in 1934. He never got to play an actual game until the 1960s, when my older sister Judy married a Go enthusiast, who spent many enjoyable hours playing with my father. About six years later my father was delighted when I married Haskell (Hal) Small, another Go enthusiast, and happier still when I learned the game a few years later. For us this marked the beginning of our communication through Go for many years to come. I distinctly remember our very first game – neither of us understood much about it, but we had fun splitting the board diagonally into two parts, “His Side” and “Her Side”! Until the 90s and the advent of the Internet, our games were limited to several visits every year, since my parents lived in Boston and Hal and I lived in Washington DC. For many years my father and I found online go playing a joyful way to bond across the miles that separated us. In the Fall of 2006, my father celebrated his 100th birthday. Shortly afterwards he suffered several small strokes, and while his go skills declined, his enthusiasm remained strong. We flew him from Boston down to a senior residence in Washington so I could spend as much time with him as possible. Now we could play go most every day! At his peak he had been as strong as 10 kyu (and I was 13kyu), and now in Washington he was perhaps more like 40 kyu, (and I remained a 13kyu). At this time I gave him a 3 or 4 stone handicap on a 9 x 9 board. Occasionally he would express frustration with his waning abilities, but took comfort in my reminders of how exciting the process of Go still was for him. Most of the time, even at a weaker level, playing games continued to give him great pleasure because he still loved Go, and our games were meaningful social occasions for both. As he declined we moved him to a hospice. Early one morning in January we received a call that he had only hours to live, and we rushed over to as fast as we could. When we arrived he was lying down on his bed; the headboard only slightly raised. His pulse was weak, his eyes were partly open, and he was barely able to speak, but his eyes opened and smiled when he saw us, and he managed a surprisingly firm handshake for Haskell. The next words he spoke were faint: “black stones…white stones…”Because he was too weak to sit up, we got out the board and placed it on his belly. From this angle he could not get a clear view of the bowls or the board, but knowing his eagerness to play a game, I guided his hand to the bowl. He picked up a stone, and then I guided his hand to the board. Although he was not able to see where the stone landed, he placed it with great intention. Then I made my move, also with great intention as well as excitement, keeping in mind that this game of Go was more of a symbolic farewell than a thought-out game of logic. We continued back and forth with these familiar and comforting motions for ten or fifteen minutes, until he gestured with his hands that the game was over. Hal and I exclaimed, “Good game!” We put away the stones and the bowls and observed a look of contentment on his face. Then I reminded him that he could “soon find Carol” (my mother, his wife), and he replied, muffled but with surprise and joy, “I can?” It was sometime during the next half hour that he passed from this world, surrounded by the compassionate love of Hal and I, the loving anticipation of joining his wife, and our mutual satisfaction of having bonded over the Go board one last time. He had an expression of deep tranquility and fulfillment, which I will never forget. 1/21/2012 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 哈斯克爾‧斯摩爾(Haskell Small)之前寫了一篇「圍棋和音樂的思考」 http://blog.udn.com/chin8673/4757632 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 1210、1211兩年的12月31日都在哈斯克爾‧斯摩爾(Haskell Small)家"跨年圍棋聚會"，相片是在他們家中"跨年圍棋聚會"時照的；他們家：棋俱多、棋飾多、藝術氣習濃！他們家"跨年圍棋聚會"，令人安寧又滿足。
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| ( 在地生活｜北美 ) |
