某天下午逛玉市，瞄見一塊雕字的玉。玉石本身沒啥特出，有意思的是刻在上面的文字──『太太怕我』。

　　我大聲唸出『太太怕我』，娘子偏唱反調，說是『我怕太太』。

　　當然啦，傳統中國字橫書是由右到左。但，２１世紀了耶！現代中國字橫書全都向英美文字看齊，連網頁上也是由左到右，不是嗎？

　　我不服！真真不服！於是我特意以 ANSI 畫出這四個大字，放在 BBS 上請大家幫我評個理說句公道話。

　　兩天兩夜，竟然沒人吭聲氣兒。

　　結果，向來被我推心置腹視為好哥兒們的小乙忍不住發話了。

　　他一開口，準沒好話。不信？有文為證：

　　晾了兩日夜，無人吭個聲兒。呵，「公道」自見！

　　對男女情事成日口口聲聲「反革命」、「衛傳統」的人，事到臨頭，竟對「由右到左」的傳統視若罔顧，寸步不讓。嗐，何「理」可評？

　　再瞧這字形，「太太」穩穩當當，舒拳伸腿，何等理直氣壯！「我」字彆彆扭扭，斜足顫巍巍跨開，一副色厲內荏，隨時打算逃之夭夭的模樣。

　　噯，當家的！認分也罷。

　　嘖嘖！這說的啥話！叫俺如何認分忍下這口氣？堂堂大丈夫的豪氣英氣銳氣霸氣勇氣……蕩然無存了。

　　不禁聯想到邈哥的諄諄告誡：

　　從前有個縣官，說起那股貪錢攬勢的勁頭，誰也比不上。平生啥也不怕，偏偏就怕老婆。一天，縣官閒來無事，想探探底下那班皁役當中有誰不怕老婆的，於是命令道：「不怕老婆的，站到右首邊來。」

　　才說完，呼嗤一聲，除了一個楞頭楞腦的小伙兒原地不動外，其他人全擠到了右邊。縣官大是佩服，拍拍小伙兒的肩膀滿口稱讚道：「真有你的！居然不怕老婆！」那小伙子靦腆笑了笑，說道：「我家裡的吩咐過，絕對不准扎堆。」

（扎堆：家鄉土話，意思是「往人堆裡鑽」。）

　　存心衝我來著，小乙又寄來一則英文笑話以壯『不准扎堆』的聲威。

　　Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

　　God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines: one line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

　　With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

　　God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

　　And the man replied, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

　　嗚呼！古今中外男子漢大丈夫能不同聲一嘆乎！