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女兒的抱怨信 (Part II) (2009/3/17)
2009/05/15 08:02:43瀏覽1658|回應1|推薦21

【看過吃奶嘴的海盜嗎?這裡就有一隻。】

 

正當許多好友紛紛恭喜我和 Claire 的關係終於融冰時,要是你們以為我們從此就能過著幸福快樂的日子,那就錯啦!畢竟她還是青少年。今天又收到她的抱怨信。

這回抱怨的起因是她的英文老師說她作文很差,音樂老師又說她琴拉得不好。Claire 認為因為她來我們這裡過週末,讓她沒時間唸書與練琴,所以成績不好。甚至指名我和 Ingrid 就是造成她分心的根源。

什麼?成績不好也和我有關?!以前怪我就算了,現在連 Ingrid 都責難!!

不是我要洩她的底。她的英文作文寫得好不好,我是不知道,因為我從沒看過她的文章。但中提琴拉得不好,這我真的有同感。我聽過她練琴,幾年下來到現在還是拉得哩哩落落 (台語)。來我們這裡時,偶爾練個十分鐘就認為練過了。琴也不好好保養,常走音得厲害。不過這些我都沒跟她講。甚至當她告訴我她去參加校外樂團選拔,她認為她表現很優,有很大的機會入選。我當時還想,大概是我的標準太高,其實中學生拉琴就是這水準。我告訴她入選時一定要通知我們,讓我們為她好好的慶祝一下。我猜她一定是沒入選,老師告知她實情。她生氣,就怪罪到我和 Ingrid 的頭上。

我和 Thor 說她每兩週才來我們這裡過個週末,用我們當藉口也太牽強。她花那麼多時間在她媽家,怎麼不怪她媽、怪她姊、怪她那些寵物?而且她每次來時功課也不帶來。我問她,她都說做好了。練琴也只練十分鐘。這怎麼可能有好成績?Thor 說她不敢怪她媽,只好怪我們。

Thor 考慮要如何用正面話來激勵 Claire。我說講正面話固然很好,但也要讓她知道實情。就是因為大家都想當好人,只會稱讚她,反而讓她認不清事實。像她中提琴明明就拉得不好,連琴音都不準,還說要請私人老師,說是將來考慮走專業路線 (驚!)。我說如果自己不花時間練習,少了喜好音樂這熱情,請大師來教都沒用。不過這實話只能由親父母來說。不管她拉得再差,我這後媽都只有拍手稱好的份兒。免得她媽知道了又要來罵我,說我打擊她寶貝女兒的信心,又要替我冠上一個罪名。

Thor 嘆說我們不能不理 Claire,這麼做就等於放棄她。這我當然知道。只是我這後媽的角色,加上她有個強勢的母親,能做的本來就很有限。只能多聽聽看看別人家怎麼處理這樣的情況,再盡力而為。

我不禁要想:對於快十五歲的她,我們還能有多少的影響力呢?

( 心情隨筆家庭親子 )
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Hi, Great Blog!
2009/05/16 01:46
Mrs. O,
I have been following your blog and I was in a similar situation, but my role was equal to Claire's role. But now my step mom and I are best friends and I tell her everything is because she had a lot of patience.  Dealing with a young teenager is even worse than dealing with a two year old. 
What you can do is  what my mom did with me is, whenever I have a complaint, she would let me complain but afterward she would sit me down and start the conversation with..
"I love you but..." and she would go through and help me improve on it.
If I was in Claire's situation my mom will tell me "Honestly,  I don't think you practice enough, and/or read enough" and she would present a solution that me and her can do together.  I think this is what you are talking about positive statement.
Good luck!

YY (O太太)(yvonnetsao) 於 2009-05-17 01:06 回覆:

Wow!  It's great to hear someone like Claire' voice.

I have complex feelings when I am with Claire.  She looks very sincere when I am trying to teach things at the moment.  That makes me feel so great.  But her attitude may change after days or weeks.  I guess she may be struggling in her heart and doesn't know how to deal with her frustration/anger or something else I don't know.

Comparing to five years ago, our situation is definitely getting better.  With patience, I think we will get there.

Thanks for your sharing again.