“ The
14th Dalai Lama has been a friend to American interests for his
entire adult life, since he abdicated his throne in order to save his
people from the dangers of .... Well, okay, it didn't turn out very
well for the Tibetans, but he did save his skin, his stash of cash,
and a lot of reactionary Tibetan oligarchs who came with him.
Fortunately,
the Central Intelligence Agency of the United States of America was
able to provide him with employment as soon as he arrived in India.
Since then, he has reliably made himself a thorn in the side of the
Chinese, giving the United States the leverage it has needed to build
an arms-length trading relationship that now supplies us with enough
borrowed money to buy all the microchips, flat screens, cell phones
and cheap clothing we could ever want. While his aspirations to
someday "return to Tibet" are unlikely to be fulfilled, his
mission on behalf of America has been far more successful, and with
the installation of numerous "tulkus" on the boards of
nonprofit organizations throughout the United States, the exchange
has been more than fair. His country has infiltrated ours, and our
country has used his people to the best advantage. For this, we
commend him, and with heartfelt thanks award him the Cross of Secret
Achievement. ”