Ever since my phone conversation with my uncle, I have been thinking
about this problem all the time. It is best for me to put it down in
writting. My uncle asked me whether I have established my authority
to my son, Ethan, since he seemed to be THE ONLY BOY, uncle had
met more than 10 boys around Ethan's age, running around or
screaming. I could not respond to that question on the phone.

All these days, I kept thinking about whether I have established
my authority to my children. I could not. Now I took one step back
and came to the conclusion that "I don't need to establish the
authority". The only authority parents receive from god in the authority
to educate the children. Nothing else.

I always disagree with people when people said to the children
that: You have to listen to me becaues I am your father/mother. Or,
you should respect him/her because he/she is your uncle/aunt/
grandpa/grandma/brother/sister, etc. The rationale actually has
conflict with my philosophy. To me, love in unconditional. I shall love
people whether he is related to me or not. We should respect people
no matter he/she is related to us or not. God give us the right to
love. So, I should treat people with the same attitude. So, now, how
can I teach my kids that I have the authority, so he needs to listen to
what I say?

To me, parents need to establish the trust to their children, in the
mean time, show the respect to them. Trust and respect need to be
earned, not taught. The trust is established through respect, the
carinrg, through the reasoning about fairness. The foundations of
respect begin in infancy. I remember that even before Ethan was
born, we were told that we should try to talk to him. When he was
born, we talked to him all the time. They learn from our response to
their crying, their coos, and any other behaviors. I have been
responding his crying in such ways like "I know you are crying, You
must be hungry(have diry diaper), I am going to fix your bottle, and it
is almost ready, etc. It might not "work", I means stop baby's crying,
but it will reassure him/her. It is the first step to teach them how to
talk about your problems. I have been explaining to him what we are
going to do to him next, like "we are going to change your diaper in
two minutes." "We are going out to see the doctor." "We are going
out for dinner tonight, and let's get ready in five munites." etc.

A rule is a rule for reason, not just because we say so. We need to
establish the routine, wash the hands whenever they are dirty,
especially before go to eat, because the germ will go into our bodies
with the food. We don't run around in restaurant before there are
other people dining. Running around will hurt their appetite. We don't
scream because screamming will hurt people's ears.

The way to educate the kids to behave is best through the positive
reinforcements. When they say "please", "thank you", we have to
respond with things like "I like it when you say it." I always encourage
the kids to use words and tell people about his feeling.

At this stage of their lives, I keep remind them to respect people.
What does that mean? Respect in their ages means:

Being kind to your friends and family.

Using good manners.

Not hitting or hurting others.

Talking about your problems, instead of crying, whining. It has not
been easy.

It is not fair to expect children to behave according to our
instructions. Learning takes time. Just think about how many of us
can really behave according to the rules we know of? For a toddler,
it is even harder. Their attention span is short and they can not
remember what to do all the time. Children are still exploring.

To me, educate a toddler, we emphasize on

1. Raising a reader

2. Showing the mutual respect

3. Teaching them how to communicate correctly, and appropriately

4. Nurturing the giftedness in a child

5. Planning fun time/activity

6. Establishing the routine

7. Playing basic science/math games



Establishing my "Authority"? No, it is not in my agenda.


Usually, I would not comment too much about what people think,
since I don't necessary know better. However, both uncle's daughters
are going to have child this year. It is important that I write this down
to straighten up my own mind.