I don't know how to express my feelings at the moment.

It seems that I am too indifferent

towards something happens to me,

I feel like an outsider who is always watching and waiting.

My mom keeps talking me about

" Try your best to love yourself more than yesterday."

I treat others better than the way I treat myself.

While I am typing, my tears couldn't help but falling on my face.

Maybe I should relax for a while

and listen to my inner voice and make a list of my thoughts.

In this way, I might figure out what's wrong with me

and what I should do to deal the problems

I am facing right now.

I used to be fond of keeping my diary.

I take it as my secret and silent friend.

On the contrary,

I dare not to face it because I dare not to listen to my inner voice.

I dare not to talk to me

what I'm really longing for and dreaming for.

That is because

I should take my full responsibility of taking care of

my family, my parents.

Moreover, I have to play my own roles well.

I have to give up lots of thoughts, lots of dreams,

lots of activities

due to the reason of my family, my love for them.

I have to give away something I value and try to be ok,

and pretend I am happy.

Am I really happy?

Am I really doing well?

Or I am cheating myself all the time.