《’Till Graduation Do Us Apart J 6-1》

Brace yourself, I’m gonna tell you all about my first marriage.

It was 1971, my kindergarten year, back in those days when the kissy-kissy sound of some bully kids is enough to legally marry two people to each other.

Ever since then, I vowed to be anything but meek. I want to become a “Girl Bully”, or G-ULLY.

But that’s another story.

聞到汽油味道就嘔吐、踫跳兩下就暈眩滿眼金星；小時候的我，真可謂一個爛蘋果。

陽明山賞花、碧潭泛舟、石門水庫吃活魚…，短距離旅遊都得例行一吐，更別提新竹、台中了。翻看童年出遊照片，抵達目的地拍的第一張，我總是活脫一付剛從餿水桶打撈出來的慘狀，毫無例外。

《’Till Graduation Do Us Apart J 6-2》

「老輸！寡購依透賽啦～」(翻譯：蘋果吐屎)

幼稚園開學日，我不負眾望地在娃娃車上吐了一地，搞得滿身「豆花」。

咱們古代的娃娃車不似現在的大巴士一樣，座位兩兩成對；而是車子左右兩側各一排沒有分隔、像條凳型的長椅，人人背靠車廂內壁、眼瞪小眼面對面而坐。簡單說，就好比押解人犯的囚車。

我清楚記得車上所有小朋友瞬間全擠到對面的座位，娃娃車幾乎要往一側傾斜。他們躲得了我，卻逃不過嘔吐物的惡臭。

I did more than just to impress people on my first day of school.

I threw up in the bus and walked into classroom covered with cottage-cheese-like vomit, along with the distinct smell.

What a way to start a school year!

《'Till Graduation Do Us ApartJ 6-3》
As we always say, there is a silver lining in every vomit…well, I mean every cloud.

I was lucky as well unlucky that very same day.

Unlucky because I made such an entrance which haunted me for quite a while.
To make matter worse, I didn't speak Taiwanese too well. (now i do)

Lucky because I was arranged to sit beside a boy who can't complain – he didn't speak the language either.

這所教會附屬幼稚園的小朋友，絕大多數是牧師、長老、執事的子女。我啥都不是，當時又說得一口破爛閩南語 – 程度大約在「有懂沒有講」的階段；再加上一身狼狽地走進教室，換了我是幼稚園老師，恐怕當場請假罷教。

我旁邊被安排坐了一位甫進教室就跌了個狗吃屎、被同學嘲笑到扭怩不堪的小男生。好久以後才弄清楚，這位與我一樣有口難言的「匍倒太郎」，原來是個日本人。

時至今日我仍覺得那位老師很現實，卻也因為她的安排，成就了「蘋果豆花」與「匍倒太郎」的一段「嬰」緣。

《’Till Graduation Do Us Apart J 6-4》

兩個有著類似開學首日悲慘境遇、又同樣不懂「官方語言」的苦情鴛鴦，順水推舟地任由小朋友送作堆，倒也樂在其中。

我們維持良好關係的密訣，與成功婚姻的法則並無二致：相同的嗜好、多溝通少廢話 -- 橫豎說了也是白說。

與其雞同鴨講，我們自始至終比手劃腳，下課時間就結伴去抓瓢蟲。

Fates made us inseparable from the get go.

He was like a breath of fresh air when I needed it the most.

My stinky name was clear as my reputation as an amateur ladybug catcher blossomed.

Kids forgot about his miserable stumble 3 weeks into school, because there was this other poor boy that pooped his pants. (you can never top this)

《’Till Graduation Do Us Apart J 6-5》

We exchanged ladybugs as vow.

As for consummation, that was when he let me have a bite of his snack bar. (yes, chocolate bar, 明治巧力, nothing else)

We shared the same hobby, never fight, maintain a smooth relation like a model couple.

I even had a great feeling of excitement when realized we both missed school bus. It was like eloping to Vegas and secretly got married.

曾經，兩人因沈醉在愛河…，啊...好啦、好啦…其實是抓瓢蟲，我與皮膚白裡透紅、兩臉頰像個富士蘋果的「匍倒太郎」錯過了校車。

「男女雙方家長」接獲通知到校接人，我的媽、與他的娘以日語交談甚歡；看來她們對這椿娃娃親挺滿意的。

基於民族情感，我似乎應該仇視日本人；但以親身「試用」經驗，日本貨還真是漂亮精密、人性化、又好用。

《’Till Graduation Do Us Apart J 6-6》

這段「異國情緣」在幼稚園結業後當然就沒戲唱了。

去年回娘家整理陳年舊物，翻看大班橙組合照，大大出乎預料地，竟認不出哪個是與我相互扶持整學年、比我還像蘋果、一進教室就跌了個大地瓜的「匍倒太郎」。

至今回想起當年無聲勝有聲的患難與共，我這個認不得「前夫」的「髮妻」雖然足以被打入冷宮，但心頭仍是甜滋滋的呢！

The thought of him still brings me indescribable bliss, back in the days when when we weren’t capable of writing mushy love notes, and ladybugs were our valentines.

《Everclear – Wonderful》