 
字體：小 中 大 |
|
|
|
| 2026/09/07 00:04:26瀏覽18｜回應0｜推薦0 | |
I think one of the saddest things weve taught ourselves is that doing something alone somehow makes it less meaningful and memorable.
Dinner for one. A movie for one. A holiday for one. Sitting in a restaurant by yourself while everyone else seems to have someone across the table. As though joy only counts when there is somebody beside you to witness it.
Ive caught myself doing this. Saving places I want to go until someone can come with me. Putting off things I would genuinely enjoy because somehow enjoying them alone feels like admitting that I have no one. And there is something heartbreaking about that: the way we can have a perfectly good life in front of us and still consider it incomplete simply because there isnt another person sitting beside us.
And perhaps what makes Jane Mathews particularly qualified to write it is that she isnt standing outside this subject giving us instructions. She is an older Australian woman writing from inside it. She has lived the awkwardness, the problems, the little fears, and freedoms that come with suddenly finding yourself alone. And you can feel that experience underneath almost every page.
Nothing is too small for her to take seriously. Money? Theres a chapter for that. Eating alone? Lets talk about it. Travelling alone? Absolutely. The strange business of going places by yourself and wondering what everybody else must be thinking? Shes been there too. And I loved that.
Because sometimes the advice we need is simple. Sometimes we just need someone who has already walked a particular road to turn around and say, Yes, I know. That part is strange. Heres how I got through it.
1. Your life shouldnt have to wait for company.
How many things have we quietly put on hold because we dont have someone to do them with? Mathews reminded me that there is something deeply empowering about becoming the person who says, Why not? Why cant I go? Why cant I try? Why does this beautiful afternoon need another person in it before it counts?
Sometimes you have to stop waiting for company and become your own company.
2. Solitude can teach you who you are.
When youre constantly surrounded by people, its surprisingly easy to lose track of yourself. What do I actually like? What makes me happy? What do I want when nobody is asking me to compromise? Living alone can be confronting because there is nowhere to hide from those questions. But it can also be liberating. You begin making choices because they belong to you, not because they make sense to everyone else.
3. You can miss people and still love being alone.
The book doesnt demand that you choose between independence and connection. You can have a wonderful evening alone and still wish someone were there. You can love your solitude and still crave someones arms around you. Those feelings dont cancel each other out. Sometimes being emotionally healthy isnt needing nobody. Its knowing that you can be okay by yourself while still allowing other people to matter enormously.
4. Dont postpone your life.
This is probably what I carried away from the book most: the particular kind of freedom that comes when you stop waiting for somebody else to make your plans possible. You go to the restaurant. You take the trip. You see the movie. You learn something youve always wanted to learn. You make your home somewhere you actually enjoy coming back to. Not because youve stopped wanting people in your life, but because youve stopped putting your own life on hold while waiting for them.
And somewhere along the way, something changes. You realise that going somewhere alone isnt necessarily sad. Sometimes its just… going somewhere.
I think thats what Jane Mathews taught me. You dont have to make solitude your identity. You simply have to stop treating it like a punishment.
So yes, get out there. Sit at the restaurant by yourself. Order the dessert. Take the trip. Go somewhere youve been waiting for someone else to take you. Look out the window. And maybe, just maybe, youll find yourself thinking:
You know what? Im actually quite happy to be here.
By myself.
All for me.
我認為我們教給自己最悲哀的一件事就是，獨自做某件事似乎會讓它變得不那麼有意義，也不那麼令人難忘。
一個人吃飯。一個人看電影。一個人度假。獨自坐在餐廳裡，而其他人似乎都和別人一起用餐。彷彿只有身邊有人見證，快樂才算數。
我發現自己也這樣做過。把想去的地方留到有人陪伴時再去。延後那些我真心喜歡的事情，因為獨自享受它們似乎等於承認自己孤單一人。這其中令人心碎：我們明明擁有美好的生活，卻仍覺得它不完整，只因為身邊沒有另一個人。
或許簡·馬修斯之所以特別適合寫這本書，是因為她並非置身事外，給我們指點迷津。她是一位年長的澳洲女性，以過來人的視角來寫作。她親身經歷過突然發現自己孤單一人時的尷尬、煩惱、些許恐懼，以及隨之而來的自由。你幾乎可以在她的每一頁都感受到這種體驗。
對她來說，沒有什麼事是小事，她會認真看待。金錢？這方面她會專門寫一章。獨自吃飯？咱們聊聊吧。獨自旅行？當然。獨自一人去某個地方，心裡琢磨著別人都在想些什麼？這種感覺她也經歷過。我喜歡這一點。
因為有時候，我們需要的建議其實很簡單。有時候，我們需要的只是一個走過這條路的人，轉過身來說：“是的，我知道。那段經歷很奇特。以下是我克服它的方法。”
1. 你的生活不應該為了陪伴而停滯不前。
有多少事情，我們因為找不到人一起做而悄悄擱置？馬修斯提醒我，成為一個敢於說「為什麼不呢？為什麼我不能去？為什麼我不能嘗試？為什麼這美好的下午非得有人陪伴才算完整？」的人，會給人帶來一種深刻的力量。
有時候，你必須停止等待陪伴，成為自己的陪伴。
2. 獨處可以讓你更了解自己。
當你總是被人群包圍時，很容易迷失自我。我真正喜歡什麼？什麼能讓我快樂？當沒有人要求我妥協時，我想要什麼？獨居可能會讓人感到不安，因為你無處可逃這些問題。但它也可以是一種解脫。你開始做出真正屬於自己的選擇，而不是為了迎合他人的喜好。
3. 你可以想念他人，但依然享受獨處。
這本書並沒有要求你在獨立和人際關係之間做選擇。你可以獨自度過一個美好的夜晚，同時仍然希望有人陪伴。你可以享受獨處的時光，同時仍渴望有人擁抱。這些感受並不會互相抵消。有時，保持心理健康並不意味著不需要任何人。它意味著明白，即使獨自一人，你也能過得很好，同時仍然允許他人對你產生巨大的影響。
4. 不要拖延你的人生。
這或許是我從這本書中收穫最大的：當你不再等待別人幫你實現計畫時，你會獲得一種獨特的自由。你去餐廳吃飯。你去旅行。你去看電影。你學到了一直想學的東西。你把家打造成一個真正讓你樂於回去的地方。不是因為你不再需要別人陪伴，而是因為你不再為了等待別人而讓自己的人生停滯不前。
一路走來，有些事情改變了。你意識到獨自一人去某個地方並不一定意味著悲傷。有時候，它只是……去某個地方而已。
我想這就是珍·馬修斯教會我的。你不必把孤獨當作你的身分。你只需要停止把它當作一種懲罰。
所以，走出去吧。獨自坐在餐廳裡。點一份甜點。去旅行。去一個你一直期待別人帶你去的地方。看看窗外。也許，你會發現自己在想：
你知道嗎？我其實很享受待在這裡。
獨自一人。
一切都屬於我。
|
|
| ( 創作｜散文 ) |
