Mom , You have me ! - 恰恰在多倫多

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Mom , You have me !

2005/10/19 06:27:43瀏覽2950｜回應15｜推薦62

Mom , You have me
.............................................

I just finished reading your essay....
I didn't understand everything you wrote
cause my Chinese is not that good,
but I think I understood most of it.

剛剛讀完你的那篇"情願孤獨" ,
我的中文不是那麼好, 所以不能完全明白你所寫的.
但是大部分我都了解.

I realized just how much you and I are alike...
I don't like telling people my deepest feelings
and thoughts either, I find it hard to open myself up.

發現自己跟你是多麼相像 ,
不喜歡告訴人們內心深處的感覺和想法.
我很難將自己放開.

I have one person right now,
to this day that I can call a "true" friend
(other than you , of course) and that is Flora.

到目前為止, 我只有一個稱得上是真正的朋友,
(當然除了你以外) 那就是Flora.

There are things even you and her do not know...
I don't make friends very easily.
I've been told by many people who just met me say that
their first impression of me is "snob".
Why? I do not know.

有些事, 旣使是你或她都不曉得.
我很難結交朋友, 一些剛剛見面的人告訴我,
他們對我的第一個印象是高傲. 爲什麼? 我不知道.

There are many occasions where I cannot add
to conversations cause I cannot relate.
Sometimes it's about brand name clothes,
which I do not care for also,

有一些場合, 我無法加入話題, 因為跟那些沒有關係.
好像說名牌服飾, 我一點都不在意.

sometimes it's about how awful their sister/ brother
was to them which I have neither,
or how their dad has a new girlfriend
because their parents are divorced,

有時是談論, 關於他們可怕的兄弟姐妹, 可是我也沒有.
或者說, 他們的爸爸有了新女友, 因為父母離婚了.

or which fancy restaurant they went to eat
at the other day where one dish was $60,
many topics I find I can't contribute to.

或者說有一天 , 他們去過那家高級餐廳, 一道菜就要六十塊.
很多的話題, 我真的無法投入.

I find myself kind-of stuck in the middle...
white kids lifestyle I cannot relate to
cause I was not brought up in a fully American household,
Chinese kids think I am too "Americanized"
and I cannot relate to them either.

我發現自己好像被卡在中間; 動彈不得.
跟白人孩子的生活方式沒有相連 , 因為我不是在美式家庭長大.
中國孩子覺得我太洋化, 所以我跟他們都無法溝通.

Then there are kids who are like me who
came to Canada very young or was born here...
but I can't seem to relate to them either.
I guess I've always been different
and people see that so they keep their distance.

然而那些跟我一樣,
在很小的時候就來到加拿大, 或是在這兒出生.
唉! 我也一樣跟他們有隔閡.
我猜人們也看到我的不同 , 所以和我保持距離.

I have this wall up too, I've built a very high wall,
even since junior high that wall has never come down
maybe because when I was little kids were so mean to me.

我也讓這道牆越築越高, 旣使讀中學時, 這道牆也沒倒塌過 .
也許因為當我是小孩子時, 曾被傷害過.

I grew up fine, a little "reserved" and constantly cautious
but overall I think I've become a strong young woman.
Most of my "friends" in Montreal have never seen me cry
or even angry, cause I fake a smile
even when something is bothering me.

長大後, 我變得有點沉默和經常小心謹慎.
但大致上我算是一個堅強的年輕女性.
大多數的朋友從沒見過我哭泣 ˋ生氣 ,
旣使當時被一些事困擾著, 我都會用微笑掩飾.

I don't let them see any of weaknesses.
I put on a strong face...
but sometimes pretending to be strong becomes so tiring.

不想讓他們看到我的軟弱 , 我戴上堅強的面具.
但是有時假裝堅強 ; 卻讓我覺得很疲倦.

I understand you mom...
I find it hard to trust people, and it seems when I do...
90% of those end up disappointing me.

我了解你, 媽媽.
我知道很難去信任別人, 因為我曾這麼作過,
但是有百分之九十的人, 最後都讓我失望了.

I'm not sure if I completely understood your essay
but I think I got an overall idea of what you were saying.
I love you mom and you're MY best friend, you have me :)

不確定完全明白你的文章, 但是大致上, 我都知道你想說什麼.
我愛你! 媽媽, 你是我最好的朋友.
你有我 , 你永遠都不是孤獨的.

恰恰的女兒 Fiona 2005.10.12

( 心情隨筆｜家庭親子 )


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