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| 2008/11/26 08:23:22瀏覽249｜回應0｜推薦8 | |
| Hi, NiuNiu, It stops snowing, and some melted on the roof, so I heard the dropping, tic-tak, tic-tak.. The most terrible thing for me in Canada is winter. Ottawa almost snow for five to six month a year. Last year, over 200cm snow, don't know how much for this year. But I could not complain any more, you and YiYi grow up, less duty for me. I remember when you were a baby, I carried you in front, and carried food on my back, one hand for another bag of food, and the other hand held YiYi, and YiYi carried food, too. She only four, five years old. " One step, one print." this is the way we encouraged people in Taiwan. But I saw all of our foot print, felt so sad. Our life is very difficult, but I swear, I won't borrow any cent from anyone the rest of my life. And I seldom ask any help to anybody. One day, I bought some meat at a shop, a man pack it and ask me to help me to open the door for me, I said, "no, thanks." That man felt strange, but he stopped. After that, I thought I was too nervous, here is Canada, people smile a lot, and help each other, very polit. So I switched "no, thanks." to "yes, please." very often. You know my personality, I do not want to bother anybody even I really need help. Of course, I like Malaica's families very much, but I really not want you to her house, bothering her family too much. They knew your father died, and I raised you and YiYi alone, that is why I do not want you bother them. They are very kind, but every family has their own budget. They served you a lot of good food, once a while is ok, but if you go there everyday, and you "share" one part of their food. It costs money. I have nothing to give it back, so I do not want to take anything that we can avoid. You spend more than six hours with your friends at school. You enjoy the way home together. I knew all of this. I am not taking away your happiness, but only hope you go home directly. Since I can not stand you go through Gladstone alone where a lot of trucks passed, I tried to get you as possible as I could. But today you really hurt me. Please think about it. I need to cook before you and YiYi home, because you are hungry to die after school. Then I need to dress XueXue, and pull the weagon in a heavy snow day to pick you home. It took me more than half a hour. When I saw you, you said, "Why you come? I want to go with my friends, there are lots of fun to be with them...." I do not want to say anything in front of your friend, either in front of YiYi, but I want you know, you really hurt me. You are wrong if you think "you hurt me" because you hurt my feeling. Not at all, I do not care anybody hurts my feeling, too much hurts in my life, I do not care. The thing I felt hurt is, "Why you still can not learn how to care, how to take care, how to appreciate someone who did something for you." Who is the happiest person in the world? I think the happiest person is who know he/she is the happiest person. To know, understand, and appreciate someone is really care about you, taking care of you, and praying for you every day, that is the happiest person in the world. I think. Maybe you have your different issue for it. We are different, not only the age but the culture. I was raised in a traditional family, I learnt I need to obey who is older than me, I learnt that I need do something good to make good cause, then I can have good effect later on. I learnt I need to work harder than others, then I can survive. I seldome think about "my feeling", "what I wish", "what I like or dislike".... I told YiYi when she was very young, " I will give you what you need, but I can't promise you what you want." YiYi has less material than you at your age, but she did not have less happiness than you. "Desire" makes you unhappy, it is so true. You have more desire than me. The priest gave us any guidence what we should listen. Recently, he told us do not compare with others, other family..., everybody's karma is different, what and how we should effort is different. I accepted lots of unfair, unfortunate things in my life, I seldom compaint about them because it is no use for complaining. Sometimes, I even took them as a joke, to explain how silly I was to you. I hope you do not need to suffer what I suffered, that is love. Please try to understand. It is time you need to practice your paino, I really hate to hear your playing after 9:00pm, I do not want to bother our neighbour. I will end it now, hope you understand what I wrote for you today. Love~~~~~ Mom |
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