我有一位朋友，五十歲離婚後，陸陸續續交往的幾位都是非常年輕的女友，甚至比他的女兒還年輕。有一次問他，年紀差這麼多沒有溝通上的問題嗎? 為什麼喜歡交往這麼年輕的女朋友呢? 他丟給我底下這篇文章(英文版)，熟女的我很好奇的研究了一下，發覺一些很有趣的論點。

文章提到，45歲的William前後交往了幾位都是很年輕的女友，後來他發現這些交往都有共通點，就是他覺得自己似乎像在教養自己小孩子一樣的教養年輕女友，帶她拓展生活領域，增加生活經歷，解決成長中所遇的問題，但是終究她會為較年輕的男人而離開他。但是為什麼William還是繼續交往年輕女友呢? 專 家說，有一位年輕女友，這樣的關係除了滿足男性自尊外，年輕女友美麗的外表和青春的活力都是很吸引中年男人。有時候，相對於年長女人的忌世份俗，年輕女子 的天真也是吸引中年男人的地方。年輕女子對充滿生活歷練的中年男人有崇拜的心態，把男人當做有如父親般的依賴與仰望。專家又說，把交往對象做父親般依賴會 帶來其他的問題，當年輕女友成長成為更獨立的個體後，通常她會選擇離開。但是要注意一件事，就算是沒有年紀差別的夫妻，他們也會因心靈漸行遠離而離婚。所 以有年紀差距的情侶有更大的機率因為無法共同成長而分手。有如小孩長大之後會越來越不需要父母的關懷和照顧，有一天他們會希望有自己的生活而離開這個家， 甚至對父母的關懷和控制有抗拒和反感。當年輕女友打算分手時，男人會覺得失去對小女友的掌握，這時兩人的地位關係會對調，過去這男人是她崇拜的對象，今天 男人因為女人要分手而變的沒有安全感，佔有慾升高，需要女人更多的關心和注意，對年輕女人而言，男人 過去英雄式的灑脫已不復存在，這時男人若想去拿回掌控權，這只會讓年輕女友跑的更遠。你可能會問，這麼說William和年輕女友就不會有任何結果喽? 專家說，這倒不至於。如果兩人可一起成長，有同樣的生活目標，同樣的價值觀和認知，兩人承諾要共同生活，還是有可能會成功的。但彼此必須了解兩人都須改變，必須非常清楚在這樣的關係中自己要的是什麼。 男人若僅是被美麗年輕的外表所吸引，忽略了隱藏在背後的問題，兩人就需注意。然而仍有些年輕女人並非尋找父愛反而是被中年男人的成熟穩重，生命歷練的智慧和生活的穩定而吸引。在這樣的前提下，成功的機會就高些。

說到這裡我不禁想起某名主持人當年愛上另一位年輕電視明星而離開灶糠妻，他為他的決定舉例說，常因節目的需要得玩些遊戲，有時因此而受傷，回家時，前妻會說"年紀不小就不要這樣玩遊戲"，但是年輕的女友會用不捨的口吻說"好可憐ㄡ"....我想這是個很好的例子，這位前妻不愛那位主持人嗎? 可 能也並非如此，只是因為老夫老妻，她已無法用嬌羞的口吻來愛他。但你說，若是這位前妻未來有新的對象而再次戀愛時，碰到同樣的情形，很可能她也會用嬌柔的 口吻去疼惜新的愛人。所以問題可能是在於兩人如何去經營婚姻或如何去維持親密關係，而並非完全是年紀差別的關係。也可以看到好幾位有名歌星或音樂人，沸沸 騰騰的離婚為了新的愛人，但新的婚姻卻也非天長地久。不禁要問，人到底在追求什麼呢?

身為熟女的我要為稍年長的女人說句話，不論40,50,60女人其實都是一支花，男人要知道如何去欣賞，自信成熟的美是年輕女子所沒有的， 四十以上的女人，因為曾經失去也才更能珍惜擁有的幸福，曾因被背叛才更能感激別人的付出。有如蝴蝶蘭，縱使一個星期沒澆水，她還是挺直了偝在枝頭綻放，不同於美麗的玫瑰，兩天沒換水照顧，她就開始凋落。蝴蝶蘭和玫瑰，各有特色也要用不同的方式去愛去照顧.....去欣賞。

(有興趣的人可參考底下的文章)

 Young women, same old problem By Margot Carmichael Lester 

 William, 45, has always dated younger women. It was only recently, however, that he detected a pattern in those relationships. “I end up raising them — helping them solve their problems, grow up and expand their horizons,” he says. And what’s wrong with that, you might ask? Plenty, says William. “Sure enough, they always leave me for a younger guy.” So why does he keep going back? We asked relationship expert April Masini, L.A.-based author of the best-selling book, Date Out Of Your League, why guys like William persist in putting the men back in mentoring. Besides ego-boosting good looks, what does a younger woman offer an older man? “There is actually quite a bit that young women have to offer older men besides looks alone,” Masini says. “On the most obvious level, there’s that fun, young energy they have. There’s naivete, which can be attractive when compared with the cynicism of some older women. There’s a playfulness — a lack of the seriousness that can sometimes accompany being an adult and having responsibility. And, for some men, there’s the fact that these young girls look up to them — as father figures and as mentors. That, in and of itself, is very attractive.” All of these things, though mutually beneficial for a while, eventually wear thin for most women. “If the relationship is… based on the man being a sort of father or mentor figure, problems can – and likely will – arise once [the younger woman] really begins to grow and come into her own,” Masini notes. “Even for couples where there is little-to-no age discrepancy, people often grow in different directions, leading to the dissolution of the relationship.” Add to that a generation gap and you’ve got an even higher chance that the direction each person moves will be away from the other. Masini explains: “Like any child breaking away from a parent, she may want to establish more of an independent life, depending on him less and less, perhaps even becoming resentful toward him for the power he has wielded over her.” The result can be a nasty break-up, because as she tries to break away, he realizes he’s losing her along with his control. That often spurs a role reversal. “The man she once looked up to begins to become more and more insecure, more possessive, more demanding and more needy as he tries to regain control of the relationship and her,” Masini says. And, unfortunately, this behavior usually does just the opposite. “Not only is he unable to regain his position of power in the relationship — he succeeds in driving her away for good.” Is there hope for William and his brethren to break the cycle? Yes, Masini asserts. The older man/younger woman can increase their odds of staying together if they: ‧ Are motivated to grow together in the same direction ‧ Share interests, goals, values and belief systems ‧ Commit to making it work ‧ Accept that they will both go through changes as individuals – and that their relationship will change, too Success in this arena is dependent on what each party wants to get out of the relationship. “If he simply likes the physical attraction or energy of a younger woman with little concern for what lies beneath the surface, both parties should beware,” Masini continues. “Fortunately, there are some [women] out there who have their lives together, who aren’t looking for a father figure, and who just find the stability, wisdom, and maturity of an older man attractive. But if he’s drawn to girls who will idolize and defer to him, he enters into these relationships at his own risk – knowing full-well these can only go so far or last for so long.”