我的英文散文及寫作心情 - LING的紐約居

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我的英文散文及寫作心情

2007/03/16 12:12:25瀏覽4974｜回應33｜推薦111

二零零五年的秋天，我和阿都ㄚ註冊結婚後，便「嫁番隨番」，從紐約皇后區的森林小丘搬到曼哈頓的格林威治村。在阿都ㄚ的支持鼓勵下，離開已經不怎麼留戀、卻也消磨了幾多寶貴青春的辦公室。時間一下子變多，作什麼好呢？第一件想要試的就是寫作，而且是用英文寫。來美國唸書工作數年，口語應該比在台灣的時候好，不過讀寫就不一定了。大學的時候天天得啃英文文學名著，在學校被教授逼著寫各種英文作文、報告；研究所念的雖然不是文學，還是得讀許多原文書。反而上班後發現，辦公室裡很多的美國同事雖然愛開玩笑，英文程度卻不怎麼樣。他們使用的字彙相當有限，談的也不外是看球賽、喫東西、約會等話題，寫就更不用提了。和他們天天廝混，久而久之自己的英文也越來越差。

想當年我也是文藝青年一名呢！雖然從來沒有夢想過要像納博可夫一樣，（Nabokov，Lolita 作者。他的母語是俄文，卻以英文寫作成名，為當代重要小說家之ㄧ）心裡那把想成為作家的，微渺的火焰，至今還沒有完全熄滅。加上每當美國人稱讚我的英文說得不錯，（只有我的教授和我知道，寫得不怎麼樣）內心深處的羞愧便在午夜夢迴時浮上心頭。好吧，就趁這個機會，看看自己到底有沒有這個能耐。於是，即使沒有三兩三，我還是很勇敢地上了梁山，到我家附近的New School(就是陳文茜姊姊念了很多年博士班的那間學校)和一堆懷有作家夢的，土生土長的美國同學一起上了一學期的散文創作課。

第一堂課就在一位年紀跟我差不多、但已經出版三本書的帥老師以及十餘名從十九歲的大學中輟辣妹到七十歲的退休老兵皆含的同學們陪伴下，展開一如之前研究所的求學經驗—各色人種齊聚一堂。這就是紐約！也是這個城市永遠吸引我的地方。不過在這個文學創作寫作班裡，只有我一個外國人不怕死，敢接受每週一篇散文作業的考驗

老師稍微自我介紹以後，對每位同學講述散文（essay）的定義，發給我們第一週的範文並在課堂閱讀討論後，告訴我們第一篇作業的題目，是寫一篇有關「吻」的故事。當我聽到這個題目，腦海中浮現的，就是我後來寫出來的故事；並且還因為自己的第一個點子，並不是大部分人會先想到的題材，而暗自得意了很久。以下就是這篇散文：

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My French Class in Kyoto

I was a graduate student in the sociology Department of Kyoto University from 199X to 199X. In my first year in Japan I was overwhelmed by studying western sociological theories translated into Japanese and dealing with the culture shock of daily life as a foreigner. After I found a place for myself in Japanese society, I started to learn to live for myself. From my very first days studying at Kyoto University, I was attracted to the French cultural institute that was just across the street from campus. There were always interesting events like movies or parties going on at the institute. Teachers and students there always seemed to talk and laugh louder than others. Their laughter held such an allure for me as I made my way back and forth to sociology classes that I finally decided to take a French class myself.

I started French 101 in the spring semester. We met three times a week for a two-hour session. Our teacher was a French gentleman in his mid-forties. He had been living in Kyoto for more than ten years with his Japanese wife and their daughter. All of my classmates were Japanese and most of them were university students. So I started to learn French with a bunch of Japanese students while I struggled through weird Japanese translations of western sociology terminology. Our French textbook was printed on beautiful glossy paper and had many colorful illustrations. The textbook alone immediately made the class much more enjoyable than my others. We were like babies, learning a language from the beginning or parrots, trying to mimic each sentence, twisting our tongues to make the strange sounds before we had a chance to grasp the meaning. But it was all fun.

Sometimes our teacher would bring a loaf of bread, cheese and a bottle of nice wine when we were having a lesson about French food. Everybody enjoyed the food and wine more than the lesson. After we learned more grammar and vocabulary, we started to watch some simple French TV shows and even wrote a short play that we performed in class. Pretty soon I found that I stood out among my classmates, not because I wasn’t Japanese, but because I wasn’t as reserved as they were. In general, my fellow Japanese students studied hard but when our teacher asked questions they were all too shy to raise their hands. I was the only one who broke the ice. No matter if I used the correct tense or matched the male or female subject to the verb, I tried. I never minded making mistakes. I believe that’s the only way to fluently speak a foreign language. In the beginning, even after I replied, my classmates were still quiet. But, after a couple of months, some of them started to raise their hands or at least answer the questions when the teacher asked them directly.

At about the same time, some of us started to hang out after class. We would watch movies, and go to museums and restaurants together. I even made a very good friend, Megumi. After class we often went to a video store, looked through the movies, discussed our favorites and later had dinner together. I made much more progress in Japanese because I chatted with Megumi. Every hour in French class was like a happy hour away from school. Even the air in the French classroom smelled more liberal!

At the end of two full years of French classes, in the winter of 199X, my scholarship ended and I finished my school. It's time to go back to Taiwan. My French class decided to throw a party. I can’t remember if it was a party to greet the spring or a farewell party for me. Anyway it was the first and only time that everyone in the class went to a restaurant and a Karaoke bar together. Our teacher was in a good mood. As he drank warm sake from a little white bottle, he chatted about his life in France and Japan. Everyone was happy and a little exhilarated. Out on the street, after we left the Karaoke place, my classmates took a lot of pictures of one another and our teacher in a photo booth. The pictures then developed on the back of tiny stickers and we immediately traded them with each other.

Finally it was time to say good-bye. I heard everybody saying “Au Revoir.” Then it was my turn to say good-bye to our teacher. He said, “Au Revoir, Elaine. Soigne-toi Bien.”(Take care yourself.) Then he hugged me, kissed on my right cheek, then my left cheek, then right, then left…He kissed me eight times. I’ve always known that when the French say good bye they kiss both cheeks but I never knew they kissed each cheek four times!

After I went back to Taiwan the teacher and I wrote to each other in English for a while but then we naturally stopped. Now I don’t even remember his name. And yet the memories of my French class with curious Japanese classmates, and a “French Kiss” that ended the winter still remain.

*

這篇散文後來從老師那裡得到的評語是" Very sweet " 。本來想過，貼在這裡的時候，要把它翻成中文。但是我不知道，自己翻譯完以後，會不會覺得很羞愧，原來這篇散文用自己的母語讀起來，只是一篇平凡沒有韻味的小東西？城邦這裡有很多居住海外，中文文采過人、英文也很好的網友，不妨保留原文，可以聽聽大家對我英文及中文文筆的意見。

上完一學期的散文寫作課後，我再接再厲，到紐約大學又上了一學期的短篇小說寫作課。小說課結束後，沒有人催交作業，自然而然地就沒有繼續英文寫作，中文也僅於和朋友間的書信往來。直到最近加入城邦，在網友鼓勵下重拾禿筆，一年前每週上課要交作業那種熟悉的壓力似乎又回來了。雖然沒有老師規定每週要交一篇作業，也不必用英文寫，但是每每在動筆寫網誌前，自己給自己設限不少：看到人家已經寫得很好的文類，覺得假使再一昧追隨，似乎沒有什麼創意；看到容易引起爭議的文類譬如政治話題，就覺得要避免筆戰而作罷；如果蒐集很多資料，老老實實地寫個研究論述，又覺得工程浩大；要寫個小說什麼的，出手又慢。老公說，只不過是寫網誌自娛，何必想這麼多呢？不過我想，大概是小時候想成為作家的小火焰，還在暗暗燃燒，偏偏又眼高手低的緣故吧。

註：第一張插圖與英文散文中的故事無關，純為誤導讀者用。

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