I wan to write about this.I do.about everything.

to tell the story . my story .

but as I sit here wanting to , needing to , I am

blocked .

I am saddening still , inside and out ........

wanting to speak .............

but listening instead to that inner voice , asking

me ,

* who the hell do I think I am to feel so badly ?

* and don't I realize that everybody has a story to

  tell ?

* and C'mon ! people deal with this kind of thing all

  the time and still make huge sucesses out of

  their lives !

* and it's my fault anyway for not appling myself

  and not wanting something better badly enough

  to actually do something about it !

* and why don't I just try harder ?

* and why do I keep making obvious self--

  defeating moves at critical times ?

* ......and for - chri -sake , stop whining-pissing-

  moaning about it all because , truthfully ,

  there will always be somebody else

  somewhere

  who is struggling even more so

  than me .

who the hell am I ?

who the hell do I think I am , anyway .........?