手繪圖是阿痞-阿痞-*-*難忘的不是情**

如果我死了！請別為我唱悲傷的歌跟掉淚-3

3月過得非常不快樂跟工作忙得不可開交---

從被同業通知幫他的業務，                                                                                      
帶3/22泰國團到發生種種溝通上的差異？

我明白地拒絕不合理的條件                                                                                     
〈要我自付稅兵簽3600跟請客，上次6個人吃3000銖〉                                             
到被他的客人打電話來挑釁                                                                                       
〈說我現在大牌囉又跩甚麼250？〉

我就是沒有告訴這團客人--                                                                                         
我為什麼拒絕出任領隊的原由？                                                                                                                                                 
〈為什麼業務自己賺錢？                                                                                              
而答應客人指定我幫他帶團自付稅兵簽費用，                                                         
還要自挑腰包請客？                                                                                                   
而且這次要吃多少錢都不知道ㄟ？                                                                                
16個人9600小費-3600稅兵簽-還有請客的費用呢？                                                   
那你要帶這團去當冤大頭嗎？〉

接著發生大弟的債務種種---

MSN上可以明顯看到我的心情超差的---

卑鄙的人總有無窮盡的藉詞為自己脫罪！                                                                
要真心原諒這種人--是要用盡自己的心與力！                                                           
抱歉！我是凡人--很難做得到！

同業的好友一直給我打氣加油！鼓勵我要撐過這心境---

還有業務怕我需要這樣多的錢不夠用--                                                                       
把他自己辛辛苦跑來的團要讓給我---好感動喔！                                                     
在這旅行業你爭我奪的業務爭奪戰下---                                                                     
還有這樣善良真誠的人--真的難能可貴極了！                                                     

惡劇站長仙蒂她突然發現她沒有關心我--有了自責--                                                 
其實我是說不清這種心理掙扎與糾結---

後來我病了！除了是心理的壓力大過於生理的負荷

所以我開始出現頭痛欲裂、心悸、有時還會喘不透氣來---

這種情況是11/22爸爸過世那天第一次發生外--                                                           
痛了好一會兒--                                                                                                           
所以我晚上有去宏仁檢查過--                                                                                     
拿了3天藥還當著醫生護士的面吃一顆心臟疾病的藥--

第二次是在2/17除夕時在青島的麒麟酒店曾經也有一次--                                         
那晚我看到爸爸在椅子上坐著喝著我泡的茶----                                                        
那晚我跟他一起看除夕的節目喬家大院---

第三次我忘記了---                                                                                                       
只記得在3/17晚上先生見我臉色超差--                                                                       
又咳個快吐出來也吃不下只是昏睡--                                                                            
他擔心很少擔心我的他嚇壞了！                                                                                
所以他騎車載著我去宏仁看門診---                                                                            
我還請他載我去收驚--                                                                                                
說來也奇怪--                                                                                                               
梁醫師很仔細檢查並溫暖地告訴我--                                                                          
別給自己這樣大的壓力要放輕鬆---                                                                               
要學著放下擔憂---                                                                                                      
收驚的仙女告訴我卡到喪--回去燒一壺熱開水+一杯水--                                           
連燒符一張+摘7朵連枝的芙蓉泡--                                                                             
然後薰臉薰熱薰喉嚨後30分帶水洗澡--                                                                      
睡前把符化掉--就會好--                                                                                                
睡夢中數度迷迷糊糊起身上廁所多次--                                                                        
恍惚中一直看到爸爸跟小弟2個人---甚麼也想不起來---

隔天一早出發去考導遊考試---                                                                                     
只有人在這裡考---而已啦！

我開始懷疑自己隨時會死---

因為我一直看到自己過世的親人---                                                                           
認識我許久的朋友都知道--                                                                                          
我是那種可以感應的那種磁場的人--                                                                         
連我自己也不由得這樣明確感覺到有一種氣這樣過來---                                          
所以我跟先生說我想要的去向--                                                                                 
他冷冷地跟我說--不是妳要走就可以走--                                                                   
我知道他明白我的顧慮跟感覺---

所以我寫下這2篇                                                                                                          
*如果我死了！請別為我唱悲傷的歌跟掉淚*

提醒他我希望他知道我真正的想法---                                                                        
也希望我的朋友知道我心理真的是這樣想的--                                                          
而不是有輕生的念頭及想法--

向來堅強勇敢的我---我是相信自己的--

再怎麼樣困難的逆境我--                                                                                            
一定可以想出解決之道--                                                                                              
一一面對迎刃而解--                                                                                                   
我不相信有任何事是無法解決的！                                                                           
 請相信及信任我吧！

謝謝大家關心及支持與打氣！ 

更謝謝你一直在我身邊沒有離開地默默支持我！

我的心知道！真的知道！

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
請繼續跟我一起加油面對人生種種吧！