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【轉載文章】明天會更老
2008/06/24 18:23:43瀏覽454|回應0|推薦1

應邀去北加州大學校友會杜鵑花之夜演講,主題是人到中年後的困境,全場七百人笑 聲不斷,表示有共鳴,能開開自己年紀的玩笑,也算是一種成長後的開朗豁達。

 有首歌唱的是明天會更好,為了是給人信心與鼓勵,其實現實生活裡明天會不會更好 不知道,但明天會更老是確定的。歲月要走過,才知道它的凌厲,到了某個年紀不得 不承認地心引力的厲害,器官樣樣俱在,只是都下垂,所謂的:「萬般皆下垂,唯有 血壓高。」有人因此特別忌諱說老,連「我先走一步」也不能說。

 中年後的身體起了很大的變化,蘋果變成梨子型,「坐著打瞌睡,躺著睡不著。想記 的記不起來,想忘的忘不掉。」更糟的是哭的時候沒眼淚,笑的時候一直擦淚。頭上 是「白髮拔不盡,春風吹又生」,男士們的髮型也個個如小說家莫言所說的「地方支 持中央」──兩邊往中央梳,遮住稀疏的部分。皮膚不長Pimple開始Wrinkle,酒窩變 皺紋,皺紋變酒窩,無意中發現本來以為額頭上的幾條紋路只是抬頭紋,現在卻是不 抬頭也有,還好這個時候有老花眼白內障,也不怎麼看得清楚。

 記憶力明顯衰退,從一個房間走到另一個房間,就是想不起到這兒來要做什麼?忘了 剛剛說過的話,變得一再重複碎碎唸。一位老先生甚至說他有一次竟然笑到一半忘記 為何而笑。

 聽力也不行了,一位做了二十幾年百貨公司銷售員的女士,因為耳朵背,被換到抱怨 部門去,反正聽不到,隨您抱怨。另一位女士說她坐公車,站在她前面的一個男孩一 直跟她講話,她因為聽不到就提醒對方不必講了,那男孩竟然說他只是在嚼口香 糖,沒有和她說話啊。

 高科技不來電也是年歲漸長的特徵,家裡一停電,所有的鐘都閃在十二點;有一位朋 友要去歐洲玩,女兒說:「媽,現在沒有人用傳統相機,這個數位相機您帶著,只要 按一按就可以了。」媽媽沿途拍了五百張,回來往電腦裡一放,怎麼五百張都是鼻 子?原來媽媽把相機拿反了。

 少年夫妻老來伴,中年夫妻怎麼辦?有人形容食之無味,棄之可惜,彼此的壞習慣改 不了,有的夫妻是什麼項目都可以吵,從來沒有妥協過,想想婚前是好有話說,婚後 變成有話好說。

 每個來到世間的生命,像整存零付一樣,一點一滴地離去,剛剛才是意氣風發的少 年,一轉眼變成哀樂中年,還有人要譏笑說這些人是:「知識退化,器官老化,思想 僵化,等待火化。」所以心裡建設靠自己,要人老心不老,皺紋長在臉上,不長在心 上。再想想許多人沒有老的權利,年紀輕輕的就歸道山,生活態度也要調整,以前用 健康換金錢,現在要用金錢換健康,有所謂的人生三歷:少年爭取的是好學歷,中年 成功與否看經歷,年紀越來越大就要看病歷。有好的健康才能說人生如倒吃甘蔗,好 日子還在後頭,Robert Browning的詩說的是: Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.

Rabbi Ben Ezra

 
by Robert Browning
   Grow old along with me!


The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made:

Our times are in His hand

Who saith, 'A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be

afraid!'



Not that, amassing flowers,

Youth sighed, 'Which rose make ours,

Which lily leave and then as best recall?'

Not that, admiring stars,

It yearned, 'Nor Jove, nor Mars;

Mine be some figured flame which blends, transcends

them all!'



Not for such hopes and fears

Annulling youth's brief years,

Do I remonstrate: folly wide the mark!

Rather I prize the doubt

Low kinds exist without,

Finished and finite clods, untroubled by a spark.



Poor vaunt of life indeed,

Were man but formed to feed

On joy, to solely seek and find and feast;

Such feasting ended, then

As sure an end to men;

Irks care the crop-full bird? Frets doubt the

maw-crammed beast?



Rejoice we are allied

To That which doth provide

And not partake, effect and not receive!

A spark disturbs our clod;

Nearer we hold of God

Who gives, than of His tribes that take, I must believe.



Then, welcome each rebuff

That turns earth's smoothness rough,

Each sting that bids nor sit nor stand but go!

Be our joys three-parts pain!

Strive, and hold cheap the strain;

Learn, nor account the pang; dare, never grudge

the throe!



For thence,—a paradox

Which comforts while it mocks,—

Shall life succeed in that it seems to fail:

What I aspired to be,

And was not, comforts me:

A brute I might have been, but would not sink

i' the scale.



What is he but a brute

Whose flesh has soul to suit,

Whose spirit works lest arms and legs want play?

To man, propose this test—

Thy body at its best,

How far can that project thy soul on its lone way?



Yet gifts should prove their use:

I own the Past profuse

Of power each side, perfection every turn:

Eyes, ears took in their dole,

Brain treasured up the whole;

Should not the heart beat once 'How good to

live and learn'?



Not once beat 'Praise be thine!

I see the whole design,

I, who saw power, see now love perfect too:

Perfect I call thy plan:

Thanks that I was a man!

Maker, remake, complete,—I trust what Thou

shalt do!'



For pleasant is this flesh;

Our soul, in its rose-mesh

Pulled ever to the earth, still yearns for rest:

Would we some prize might hold

To match those manifold

Possessions of the brute,—gain most, as we did best!



Let us not always say,

'Spite of this flesh to-day

I strove, made head, gained ground upon the whole!'

As the bird wings and sings,

Let us cry, 'All good things

Are ours, nor soul helps flesh more, now, than

flesh helps soul!'



Therefore I summon age

To grant youth's heritage,

Life's struggle having so far reached its term:

Thence shall I pass, approved

A man, for aye removed

From the developed brute; a god though in the

germ.



And I shall thereupon

Take rest, ere I be gone

Once more on my adventure brave and new:

Fearless and unperplexed,

When I wage battle next,

What weapons to select, what armour to indue.



Youth ended, I shall try

My gain or loss thereby;

Leave the fire ashes, what survives is gold:

And I shall weigh the same,

Give life its praise or blame:

Young, all lay in dispute; I shall know, being old.



For, note when evening shuts,

A certain moment cuts

The deed off, calls the glory from the grey:

A whisper from the west

Shoots—'Add this to the rest,

Take it and try its worth: here dies another day.'



So, still within this life,

Though lifted o'er its strife,

Let me discern, compare, pronounce at last,

'This rage was right i' the main,

That acquiescence vain:

The Future I may face now I have proved the

Past.'



For more is not reserved

To man, with soul just nerved

To act to-morrow what he learns to-day:

Here, work enough to watch

The Master work, and catch

Hints of the proper craft, tricks of the tool's true play.



As it was better, youth

Should strive, through acts uncouth,

Toward making, than repose on aught found made:

So, better, age, exempt

From strife, should know, than tempt

Further. Thou waitedst age: wait death nor be afraid!



Enough now, if the Right

And Good and Infinite

Be named here, as thou callest thy hand thine own,

With knowledge absolute,

Subject to no dispute

From fools that crowded youth, nor let thee feel

alone.



Be there, for once and all,

Severed great minds from small,

Announced to each his station in the Past!

Was I, the world arraigned,

Were they, my soul disdained,

Right? Let age speak the truth and give us peace

at last!



Now, who shall arbitrate?

Ten men love what I hate,

Shun what I follow, slight what I receive;

Ten, who in ears and eyes

Match me: we all surmise,

They, this thing, and I, that: whom shall my

soul believe?



Not on the vulgar mass

Called 'work', must sentence pass,

Things done, that took the eye and had the price;

O'er which, from level stand,

The low world laid its hand,

Found straightway to its mind, could value in a trice:



But all, the world's coarse thumb

And finger failed to plumb,

So passed in making up the main account;

All instinct immature,

All purposes unsure,

That weighed not as his work, yet swelled

the man's amount:



Thoughts hardly to be packed

Into a narrow act,

Fancies that broke through language and escaped;

All I could never be,

All, men ignored in me,

This, I was worth to God, whose wheel the pitcher

shaped.



Ay, note that Potter's wheel,

That metaphor! and feel

Why time spins fast, why passive lies our clay,—

Thou, to whom fools propound,

When the wine makes its round,

'Since life fleets, all is change; the Past gone, seize

to-day!'



Fool! All that is, at all,

Lasts ever, past recall;

Earth changes, but thy soul and God stand sure:

What entered into thee,

That was, is, and shall be:

Time's wheel runs back or stops: Potter and clay

endure.



He fixed thee mid this dance

Of plastic circumstance,

This Present, thou, forsooth, wouldst fain arrest:

Machinery just meant

To give thy souls its bent,

Try thee and turn thee forth, sufficiently impressed.



What though the earlier grooves

Which ran the laughing loves

Around thy base, no longer pause and press?

What though about thy rim,

Skull-things in order grim

Grow out, in graver mood, obey the sterner stress?



Look not thou down but up!

To uses of a cup,

The festal board, lamp's flash, and trumpet's peal,

The new wine's foaming flow,

The Master's lips a-glow!

Thou, heaven's consummate cup, what need'st

thou with earth's wheel?



But I need, now as then,

Thee, God, who mouldest men;

And since, not even while the whirl was worst,

Did I—to the wheel of life

With shapes and colours rife,

Bound dizzily,—mistake my end, to slake Thy thirst:



So, take and use Thy work,

Amend what flaws may lurk,

What strain o' the stuff, what warpings past the

aim!

My times be in Thy hand!

Perfect the cup as planned!

Let age approve of youth, and death complete

the same!

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