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A guy came into a bar with his pet alligator. 
He asked the bartender, "Do you server lawyers here? "
"Yes." Answered the barman.
"Ok," Said the guy, "One beer for me, and one lawyer for my
alligator. "
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A man is at his lawyer’s funeral and he is surprised by the turnout for this one man.
He turns to the people around him, "Why are you all at this man’s funeral?"
A man turns towards him and says, "We’re all clients."
" And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching."
"No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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A man telephones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer.”  The receptionist replies,
“I’m sorry but he died last week.”
      The next day the same man phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies,
"I told you yesterday, he died last week."
      The next day the man calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is
 getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you
 keep calling?"
      The man says, "Because I just love hearing it."
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    A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at the same moment. They spend the day in orientation, and as they’re getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer apparel, made of gold thread, and Gucci shoes.
      Then, they get to see where they’re going to live?. The Pope gets what everyone else gets, a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18 room mansion with servants and a swimming pool.
      At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a Manischewitz kosher TV dinner, and the lawyer receives a fine and tasty meal, served on silver platters.
      By this time, the lawyer is beginning to suspect that an error has
been made, so he asks one of the angelsin charge, "Has there been some kind of mistake? This guy was the Pope, and he gets what everyone else gets, and I’m just a lawyer and I’m getting the finest of everything?"
      The angel replied, "No mistake, sir. We’ve had lots of Popes
 here, but you’re the first lawyer we’ve ever had.
 

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