Scene

Description and Quotes

1.1

Int. The Onyx Theatre—Night (Late 1920s)

1.2

Announcer]
5, 6, 7, 8!

[Dance Captain]
[man looking for Kelly sisters]
Has anybody seen the Kellly sisters?
You, you're up in 5.

[Velma Kelly] (getting out of the car)
- Keep the change, Charlie.

[Charlie - driver]
- Thank you.

[Dance Captain]
Where the hell have you been? And where is Veronica?

[Velma Kelly]
she isn't herself tonight

[Dance Captain]
But tonight's your sister act.

[Velma Kelly]
Don't sweat it. I'll can do it alone. Shit! All right!

[Dance Captain?]
Move it! Move it! Hurry up!

[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen, the Onyx club is proud to present Chicago's hottest show
in the world. Two Jazz babes moving as one. The Kelly sisters!

[Velma Kelly]
Come on babe
Why don't we paint the town?
And all that Jazz
I'm gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz

[Announcer]
Make that two)

[Velma Kelly]
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
Slick your hair
And wear your buckle shoes
And all that Jazz
I hear that Father Dip
Is gonna blow the blues
And all that Jazz
Hold on, hon
We're gonna bunny hug
I bought some aspirin
Down at United Drug
I case you shake apart
And want a brand new start
To do
that

[Roxie Hart] (imagine)
Jazz

[Fred Casely]
Let's go, babe.

[Roxie Hart]
But l didn't even meet your friend. That:that manager guy.

[Fred Casely]
Don't worry, Roxie. It's all taken care of.

[Roxie Hart]
You told him about me?

[Fred Casely]
Yeah, kid. lt's all arranged.

[Velma Kelly]
Find a flask
We're playing fast and loose
And all that jazz
Right up here
Is where I store the juice
And all that jazz
Come on, babe
We're gonna brush the sky
I bet you luck Lindy
Never flew so high
'Cause in the stratosphere
How could he lend an ear
to all
that
Jazz?
Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake

[Company]
And all that jazz

[Velma Kelly]
Oh, she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break

[Company]
And all that jazz

[Velma Kelly]
Show her where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother's blood'd curdle

[Company]
If she'd hear her baby's queer

[Velma Kelly]
For all
that
jazz

2.1

Int. Roxie’s Apartment

Bedroom

Night

2.2

Int. “STAGE”

Night

[Martin Harrison]
lt's indeed you're the murderer.

[Roxie Hart]
Shooting a burglar ain't murder. Just last week jury sent a man

[Martin Harrison]
I'm always grateful if the citizens know the law. Get him there. You too. Sit
down. Okay, from the top.

[Amos Hart]
A man has got the right to protect his home and his love one, right?

[Martin Harrison]
Of course he has.

[Amos Hart]
Well, I come home from the garage, I see him climbing through the window.

[Martin Harrison]
Aha!

[Amos Hart]
With my wife Roxie lying there, sleeping like an angel.

[Martin Harrison]
ls that true, Mrs. Hart?

[Amos Hart]
I'm telling you, that's the truth. My wife has nothing to do with it. She won't
hurt a worm. Not even a worm. Until I fired the first shot, then she opened
her eyes. She was somehow in sleep. I would say she sleeps in charisma pray.
When I think of what would happen if I went off for a beer with the guy instead
of coming straight home, it makes me sick even think about it...

[Announcer]
For her first number, Ms. Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of Loving
Devotion. Dedicated to her dear husband, Amos.

[Roxie]
Sometime's I'm right
Sometime's I'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll String along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Sometime's I'm down
Sometime's I'm up
But he follows 'round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[Amos Hart]
Like I said, even though I shot him, he kept coming at me. So I had to pull
the trigger again.

[Roxie Hart]
He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique
And Lord knows he ain't got the smarts
Oh but look at that soul
I tell you the whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why he'd be right there
Taking the blame
He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny sunny honey
Hubby of mine

[Amos Hart]
And supposed if... just supposed if he violated her or something. You know what
I mean, violated?

[Martin Harrison]
l know what you mean.

[Amos Hart]
Or something. Think how terrible it'd have been. It's good thing I got home
from work on time. - I'm telling you that.

[Roxie Hart]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[Amos Hart]
- I say I'm telling you that.

[Martin Harrison]
The name of deceased is Fred Casely.

[Amos Hart]
Fred Casely? How could he be a burglar? My wife knows him. He sold us our
furniture. He gave us 10% off.

[Roxie Hart]
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts

[Martin Harrison]
You told me he was the burglar? - You mean he was dead when you got home?

[Amos Hart]
I'm covering for her. She was telling me cock and bull story story about this
burglar. And I'd say I did it because I was sure to get off. 'Help me, Amos.'
she said, 'lt's my goddamn hour-need.'

[Roxie Hart]
Now he shot off his trap
I can't stand that sap

[Amos Hart]
And i believed that cheap little tramp. She's too smart on me, huh? And i
protected her... I'm on the garage with my butt 14 hours a day. And she's now
promoted to a bon-bon? And traveling around like some goddamn pussy! She
thought she can pull the world by that I wasn't pulled yet. I tell you that
something that I can take. And this time she pushed me too far. I didn't shoot
him. Fool, what a sap I was

[Roxie Hart]
You double-crosser! You big bluffer mouth! You promised you'd stay...

[Amos Hart]
What're you talking about? You've been setting me up, Roxie!

[Roxie Hart]
- Goddamn it!

[Amos Hart]
- You told me it was a burglar! The whole time you've been jazzing...

3.1

Int. Cook County Jail

Holding Rom

Night

3.2

Int. “STAGE”

Night

Announcer]
And now, ladies and gentlemen. The keeper of the keys, the countess of the
clink, the mistress of murderers' row. Matron Mama Morton!

[Mama Morton]
Ask any of the chickies in my pen
They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen
I love 'em all and all of them love me
Because the system works
The system called reciprocity...

[Warden]
On your feet.

[Mama Morton]
Welcome, ladies.

Got a little motto
Always sees me through
"When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you".

You might think l'd make your life a living hell, which is not true.

There's a lot of favors
I'm prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She'll do one for you.

l'd be your friend if you let me.
So if something upsets you
or makes you unhappy in any way,
don't shoot your fat-ass mouth on me
'cause l won't give a shit. Now move it out.

They say that life is tit for tat
And that's the way I live
So, I deserve a lot of tat
For what I've got to give
Don't you know that this hand
Washes that one too
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you!

[Warden]
Let's go!

[Mama Morton]
You must be Hart. You're a pretty one.

[Roxie Hart]
Thank you, ma'am.

[Mama Morton]
Why don't you call me Mama? We can take care of you. You'd be happy taken down
in these block. Murderers' Row, we called it.

[Roxie Hart]
Oh, is that nicer? I don't think I'm really belonging here. I didn't actually
do anything wrong.

[Mama Morton]
Don't need to tell me, honey.
I've never heard of a man getting killed. When I get used to - just come to
talk

[Velma Kelly]
Hey, mama. Come here.

[Roxie Hart]
Velma Kelly? You're the Velma Kelly? You know I was there that night? I was
there that night that you got arrested.

[Velma Kelly]
Yeah, you're a half of Chicago. Look at this, Mama. Another story of
announcing me in Redbook magazine. Not in memory do we recall so finishing
horrible in double homicide.

[Mama Morton]
Maybe you couldn't buy that kind of publicity.

[Velma Kelly]
Couldn't buy it? I guess I can keep these then.

[Mama Morton]
Let's try.

If you want my gravy
Pepper my ragout
Spice it up for Mama
She'll get hot for you
When they pass that basket
Folk contribute to
You put in for Mama
She'll put out for you
The folks atop the ladder
Are the ones the world adores
So boost me up my ladder, Kid
And I'll boost you up yours
Let's all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you
So what's the one conclusion
I can bring this number to?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you!

[Roxie Hart]
Mama? It's... kinda freezing in here. You don't think maybe there's something
wrong with the heat? Not that I'm complaining, mind you but... you know... lf
you can bring some blankets on the way...

Mama Morton]
Lights out, ladies.

4.1

Int. “STAGE”

Night

4.2

Ext. Cook County Jail

Cell block

Night

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Announcer]
And now, the six merry murderers from the Cooke county jail in their rendition
of The Cell-block Tango.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[All Murderess's]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[Liz, girls]
You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Bernie. Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. Pop. So, I came home this one day and I am really irritated, and looking for a little sympathy and there's Bernie layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Popin'. So, I said to him, I said, "Bernie, you pop that gum one more time..." And he did! So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots......into his head.

[All Murderess's]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

[Annie]
I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he was single and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd mix Him a drink, we'd have dinner. And then I found out, "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he married. ...oh, no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons, you know. So that night when he came home from work. I mixed him his drink as usual.You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic!


[June]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen carvin' up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage. "You been screwin' the milkman," he says. He was crazy and he kept on screamin' "You been screwin' the milkman," And then he ran into my knife! He ran into my knife TEN TIMES!

[All Murderess's]
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Hunyak]
Mit keresek, enn itt? Azt mondjok, hogy lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja Uncle Sam hogy en tetten. Probaltam a rendorsegen megmagyarazni de nem ertettek meg...

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, but did you do it?

[Hunyak]
UH UH, not guilty!

[Velma]
My sister, Veronica, and I had this double act and my husband, Charlie,
traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row, one, two, three, four, five... Splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Well, this one night before the show we are in a hotel Cicero, the three of us, sittin' up in a hotel room, boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice, so I went out to get some. I come back, open the door And there's Veronica and Charlie doing Number Seventeen -the spread eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.

[Mona]
I love Alvin Lipschitz More than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy... Sensitive...a painter. He was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself and along the way he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving.I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.

[All Murderess's]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[All without Mona]
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
All along
All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us
And they abused us
And they abused us
How could you tell us
How could you tell us
That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?

[Velma, June, Hunyak]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself
To blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!

[Liz]
You pop that gum one more time!

[Annie]
Single my ass.

[June]
Ten times!

[Hunyak]
Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe.

[Velma]
Number Seventeen - the spread eagle.

[Mona]
Artistic differences.

5.1

Int. Billy’s office—Day

5.2

Int. “STAGE”

Day

[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver tongue, prince of the courtroom,
the one and only... Billy Flynn!

[Billy Flynn, girls]
I don't care about expensive things
Cashmere coats, or diamond rings
Don't mean a thing
All I care about is love
That's what I'm here for
I don't care for wearin' silk cravats
Ruby studs, satin spats
Don't mean a thing
All I care about is love
All he cares about is love
Give me two
Eyes of blue
Softly saying
I need you
Let me see her standin' there
And honest, mister, I'm a millionaire
I don't care for any fine attire
Vanderbilt might admire
No, no, not me
- All I care about is love...
- All he cares about is love

Good morning, ladies.

[Hunyak]
Not guilty!

[Billy Flynn]
You tell him, sweetheart.

[Girls]
That's what he's here for

[Mary Sunshine]
Excuse me, gentlemen. Miss Kelly, do you remember anything at all about that
night?

[Velma Kelly]
I passed out. I can't remember a thing. Only that I didn't do it.

[Mary Sunshine]
Any idea who did it?

[Billy Flynn]
No. But my client is offering a substantial reward to anyone with information
about this crime.

[Mary Sunshine]
How much is the reward, Miss Kelly?

[Velma Kelly]
- I don't know, how much?

[Billy Flynn]
- We'll work it out after the trial. Now, if there's no more question, Miss
Kelly and I have got a lot of work to do.

[Velma Kelly]
Flynn, what is that about the reward?

[Billy Flynn]
If the reporters ask again, deny the whole thing later on.
- Thank you!

[Reporter]
- One more question...

[Girls]
All he cares about is love

[Roxie Hart]
- Mr. Flynn, I'm Roxie Hart.

[Billy Flynn]
- Who?

[Roxie Hart]
Roxie Hart, you heard about me. Oh, yeah. The cute one. I was hoping that you
might represent me.

[Billy Flynn]
You have $5,000?

[Roxie Hart]
That's a lot of money. Mama didn't say anything about $5,000. Look, Mr. Flynn.
I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but... Maybe we could make some sort
of arrangement between us. And I can be an awfully good sport.

[Billy Flynn]
Good, you got the idea system. Listen, you mean just one thing to me. You call
me when you got $5,000.

[Billy Flynn, girls]
All he cares about is love
Show me long Raven hair
Flowin' down, about to there
When I 've seen
Her runnin' free
Keep your money, that's enough for me
I don't care for drivin' Packard cars
Or smoking Long Buck Cigars
No, no, not me
All I care about is
Doin' the guy in
Who's pickin, on you
Twistin' the wrist
That's turnin' the screw
All I care about
is love!