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對男人而言，女人.......

 
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
 最近讀到一篇報導，愛是一種化學反應～難怪我老婆總當我是一種有毒化學廢料- David Bissonette

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. 

 如果有人誘拐你的老婆，最佳報復方法就是讓他把她帶回家。 - Sacha Guitry

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi
 婚後男女雙方就成為一體兩面－就像一枚硬幣，不能面對彼此，但仍然緊密相連。 - Hemant Joshi

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
 婚姻就是：假如你有個好牽手，你會很快樂，假如你沒有，你會成為哲學家。- Socrates

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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas
 女人鼓勵我們、激發我們對偉大成就的靈感，然後阻止我們去完成。- Dumas

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The great question - which I have not been able to answer - is, "What does a woman want? - Sigmund Freud
 大哉問：一個我始終無法解答的問題：「女人要什麼？」- Sigmund Freud

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Anonymous
 我對我老婆說個隻字片語，她可以來個長篇大論。～無名氏

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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman
 有人問我維繫長久婚姻的秘訣，答案是：
一星期找兩個時間上高級餐廳來個燭光晚宴，要有抒情音樂、跳個舞。～她星期二晚上去，我星期五晚上去。- Henry Youngman

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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." – Sam Kinison
 我不怕恐怖份子～我已經結婚兩年了。 – Sam Kinison

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"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran
 有一種東西，消耗金錢的速度比自動櫃員機繳款還快～那東西叫婚姻。- James Holt McGavran

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"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray
 我的「女人運」不好，我的兩個太太，第一個離我而去，第二個不離開我。Patrick Murray

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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
              Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
               Whenever you're right, shut up. – Nash.
 婚姻美滿有兩個秘訣：
一旦你是錯的，趕快承認。
一旦你是對的，趕緊閉嘴。– Nash

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... - Anonymous
 記住你老婆生日最有效的方法：只要忘記一次就行。～無名氏

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. – Henny Youngman
 你知道我婚前在幹什麼嗎？～我想幹什麼就幹什麼。

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Rodney Dangerfield
 我太太和我已經度過二十年愉快的時光～然後我們相遇了。– Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
 好太太總是原諒她丈夫～當她犯錯時。- Milton Berle

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." - Anonymous
 有個男人在廣告欄刊登一則「徵妻」啟事。
第二天就收到近百封應徵信，上頭都寫著：「你可以把我的帶去。」

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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
 有個男人驕傲的說：我太太是個天使！
第二個接著說：你真幸運，我太太還活著。

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