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| 2021/02/26 04:29:34瀏覽356｜回應0｜推薦5 | |
| 【書摘】女逃亡者—阿爾貝蒂娜之死 (Albertine’s death) 10 Mon amour pour elle n’avait pas été simple.: à la curiosité de l’inconnu s’était ajouté un désir sensuel, et à un sentiment d’une douceur presque familiale, tantôt l’indifférence, tantôt une fureur jalouse. Je n’étais pas un seul homme, mais le défilé heure par heure d’une armée composite où il y avait, selon le moment, des passionnés, des indifférents, des jaloux – des jaloux dont pas un n’était jaloux de la même femme. Et sans doute ce serait de là qu’un jour viendrait la guérison que je ne souhaiterais pas. Dans une foule, ces éléments peuvent, un par un, sans qu’on s’en aperçoive, être remplacés par d’autres, que d’autres encore éliminent ou renforcent, si bien qu’à la fin un changement s’est accompli qui ne se pourrait concevoir si l’on était un. La complexité de mon amour, de ma personne, multipliait, diversifiait mes souffrances. Pourtant elles pouvaient se ranger toujours sous les deux groupes dont l’alternance avait fait toute la vie de mon amour pour Albertine, tour à tour livré à la confiance et au soupçon jaloux. (l’édition Gallimard, Paris, 1946-47) 我對她的愛情並不簡單：對未知事物的好奇夾雜著肉欲，類似居家的甜蜜感情忽而與冷漠相融合，忽而又伴之以瘋狂的忌妒。我不是一個單一的男人，而是一支由熱戀者，冷漠的人和忌妒的人混合組成的大軍——這些忌妒者中沒有一個只為同一個女人而忌妒。無疑正由於此，我雖不情願，總有一天我的心會痊癒的。在一個群體裡，各個組成分子可以不知不覺地一個被一個代替，代替者還會被淘汰，因此到最後會發生變化，但如果不是群體而是單一體，這種變化是難以設想的。我的愛情和我本身的複雜性使我的痛苦成倍增長而且變得五花八門。不過這些痛苦總還是可以是排成兩組，兩組之間的交替便構成了我對阿爾貝蒂娜全部的愛情史，我對她的愛情不是耽於自信就是流於猜忌。 (p.76 追憶似水年華 VI 女逃亡者 聯經版 1992) My love for her had not been simple: to a curious interest in the unknown had been added a sensual desire and to a sentiment of an almost conjugal mildness, at one moment indifference, at another a jealous fury. I was not one man only, but the steady advance hour after hour of an army in close formation, in which there appeared, according to the moment, impassioned men, indifferent men, jealous men—jealous men no two of whom were jealous of the same woman. And no doubt it would be from this that one day would come the healing which I should not expect. In a composite mass, these elements may, one by one, without our noticing it, be replaced by others, which others again eliminate or reinforce, until in the end a change has been brought about which it would be impossible to conceive if we were a single person. The complexity of my love, of my person, multiplied, diversified my sufferings. And yet they could always be ranged in the two categories, the option between which had made up the whole life of my love for Albertine, swayed alternately by trust and by a jealous suspicion. (Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff) My love for her had not been simple: to curiosity about the unknown had been added a sensual desire, and to my feelings of almost domestic sweetness, feelings sometimes of indifference, sometimes of jealous rage. I was not one single man, but the march-past of a composite army manned, depending on the time of day, by passionate, indifferent or jealous men — jealous men who were never jealous of the same woman. And doubtless this would be the source of an eventual cure, which I did not desire. The individuals in a crowd may without our noticing be replaced one by one, and others again may come to suppress or supplement them, so that at the end of the day a change has been accomplished which it would be impossible to imagine in a single, unitary being. The complexity of my love and my identity multiplied and diversified my suffering. And yet they could still be classified under the two heads whose alternation had ruled the whole life of my love for Albertine, ruled in turns by confidence and jealous suspicion. (Translated by Peter Collier) |
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| ( 知識學習｜隨堂筆記 ) |
