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【Paintings in Proust】Self-Portrait at the Age of Sixty-Three, Rembrandt (Harmensz) van Rijn, 1669 (p.318)
For if unhappiness develops the forces of the mind, happiness alone is salutary to the body. But unhappiness even if it did not on every occasion reveal to us some new law, would nevertheless be indispensable, since through its means alone we are brought back time after time to a perception of the truth and forced to take things seriously, tearing up each new crop of the weeds of habit and scepticism and levity and indifference. Yet it is true that truth, which is not compatible with happiness or with physical health, is not always compatible even with life. Unhappiness ends by killing. At every new torment which is too hard to bear we feel yet another vein protrude, to unroll its sinuous and deadly length along our temples or beneath our eyes. And thus gradually are formed those terrible ravaged faces, of the old Rembrandt, the old Beethoven, at whom the whole world mocked. And the pockets under the eyes and the wrinkled forehead would not matter much were there were not also the suffering of the heart. (Time Regained) 有時，當一個痛苦的片斷尚處於毛坯狀態的時候，一段新的柔情、新的苦痛已然萌生，使我們能夠完成和充實那個片斷。至於那些有用的深切哀傷，我們還不能太抱怨，因爲它們不會失誤，也不會讓我們久久等待。只是得趕快利用，因爲它們不會持續很長時間。我們或者會自我安慰，當它們太強大，而如果我們的心臟已不很強健，承受不了，那我們就會死去。因爲只有幸福才有益於肉體的健康，而憂傷卻是培養精神的力量。況且，它不是每次都要給我們揭示出一條法則嗎？這也是使我們一次次返回真理，拔去習慣、懷疑、輕率、冷漠的雜草，迫使我們認真對待事物所不可或缺的呀！確實，這條真理難以與幸福、健康相容並存，也並不總是與生活同在。憂傷過度必至殞命。每當新的苦難過於深重，我們便會感到又有一條血管鼓了起來，順著一側太陽穴，彎彎曲曲延伸到我們的眼睛底下。大家對老年倫勃朗、老年貝多芬不以爲然，他們那憔悴不堪的可怕面容就是這樣逐漸逐漸形成的。倘若沒有心靈的痛楚，那眼囊和額頭皺紋根本就算不了什麽。 (p.232 追憶似水年華 VII 重現的時光 聯經版 1992) |
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